[content warning: individual crisis, angst-ish chapter ahead]
summer, 2017
long ago, a boy wanted to be everything at once but now the world is getting bigger and he feels so small. he doesn't know where to stand. he doesn't know his place in the world, not really. and at the vague age of seventeen, he wonders if it only gets worse.
it might not look the way it is, but he feels like he's lived a thousand lives and at the same time none at all. he didn't know if life had begun for him, or maybe it already had the moment he was born. all he knew is that this was supposed to be the golden days of his life, but he feels otherwise.
it is, to capture it to an emotion how he feels, a form of emptiness. and yet, how can something empty feel so full? a void that feels so suffocating it's supposed to hurt but he feels shallow. always shallow. this is how he had lived, half-heartedly most of the time. and he's afraid he'll never be able to feel and mean things enough.
"no," he swallows as he noticed falling liquids trace his puffy cheeks. his tears. "jisung, you let it happen again." he told himself, more weary than angry.
this time, remorseful eyes, he thinks about the people he had worried. he thinks of his mother, sister, and jeongin. he shouldn't have disappeared this long, it's a mistake. he made a mistake. he had forgotten it would make them worried whenever he disappears. having driven here by his emotions, he hadn't think this through. things were getting overwhelming and he wanted to disappear, even for a while.
drops of tears from the sky started falling to the ground one by one, and the atmosphere is anything like an invitation to the boy to cry with the sky, to let his tears pour the way the sky did. to rain.
no one would think those tears are his, no one would know he's been crying, because they'd believe it's all the sky's tears. and jisung is almost tempted to let it all out then and there but he didn't, can't. because he started walking away, back to home. and he believed this was the right thing to do.
YOU ARE READING
EIGHTEEN | minsung.
Fanfiction⇉in which minho and jisung say goodbye to their fleeting youth all over again.
