park walk. | Joseph Quinn [Completed]

Chapter 18

"Jill can we talk about what happened again?" Joe asked me and I nodded. I sat up crossed legged and looked at him.
"What do you need to feel comfortable?" He asked me and I smiled.

"I need you. I guess as I threw you out was because I was overwhelmed and had flashbacks. I didn't had them in a long time, but somehow I got them again. And I.- You maybe noticed that already. When you got a bit touchy, I went into the kitchen or the bathroom or whatever right?" I asked him and he nodded.

"I mean it's okay to be like that. But I need to deal with it in my head first. It's not that I think, that you would ever abuse me Joe, don't get that wrong. It's just, my head. I am always thinking of the worst that could happen, and that's an abuse. If the moment is there, we need to communicate a lot. And no hardcore BDSM shit in the beginning." I told him and he needed to chuckled.
"Come here." He said. I moved towards him and placed my legs over his and my head on his shoulder.

"I guess, that you think, that I want to get intimate with you. I mean of course it can be beautiful. But if you would have told me that earlier, I would'be tried to not be touchy or whatever. You know? And of course we will talk a lot about it from now on. But if you would've told me that a bit earlier it wouldn't have ended in a fight. And if something is going to fast. Tell me okay?" Joe told me and I sighed.

"It's not that I didn't had sex in the last seven years. But I knew that it wouldn't be in a longer relationship. Because as I was in a relationship with Luca, it lasted a year. And I knew that I wont get hurt if it happens once you know?" I told him.
"Okay. I know his name now. One step closer of finding out who I need to beat up." Joe told me what made me smile.

"Okay serious now. You can trust me 100% with that. I won't abuse you ever. I don't even have that in my deepest thoughts. And now, since I can call you my girlfriend, I can tell you my deepest fear. So that we are kinda even." Joe told me.
"But you don't need to do that, you know that okay?" I told him and he nodded.

A/n: I just made out a fear. Joseph never said anything about it and there was never any mention or speculation of it. So it's just for the story. 

"My biggest, or better to say, deepest fear it to be a fool. Sounds stupid I know. But I don't want to be seen as a fool. I have this constant pressure that I give myself to be better. In my head it's only, get better, you need to, you must do this or that. And I completely forget myself." Joe told me.
"You are not a fool. Why would you think that?" I asked him and took his hand.

"I am scared that my kids someday think that I could've done better things. And that I am not the cool dad who did cool things. I don't want to be a fool." Joe said what made me sad.
"Listen. You will be an amazing dad someday. And you could stop working now and your kids will tell everyone,  my dad was an actor. And he played in series. And Movies or whatever. They would never think that you are a fool. For example. My dad. He was a Kickboxer. And since I was born he trained kids. And I told everyone that my dad is teaching me kickboxing. And they thought it was so cool that this man is my dad. And an actor is different, of course. But you will never be a fool for them. You could be a photographer, a cleaner, a baker or whatever. It doesn't matter what job your in and how good you are with it. You are their dad. And they won't love you for your job. They will love you for being a good dad." I told him. Joe whiped a tear away and nodded.

"I know. I-. I need to work on that." He sighed and I smiled at him.
"You're going to be an amazing dad someday." I smiled and he nodded.
"Let's talk about something different." Joe smiled and gave me a quick squeeze.

We both decided that it's better to sleep a bit until we arrive. So we put on a series and fell asleep with it.

I woke up from a knock at our suite door. I sat up and went over to open it.

"Hello, sorry for disturbing, but can we get you anything? We are still flying about three hours but maybe you got hungry." The flight attendant asked me. She was super cute.
"Yeah. We would-." I had a look back at the sleeping Joe.
"We would take some food thank you." I smiled at her.
"We have three meals, Lasagna, a pasta or an asian bowl." She told me.
"We take one pasta and one asian bowl." I told her.
"Anything to drink?"
"Two coke please."
"Thank you. We will be right back." She smiled and walked away. I closed the door again and sat down next to him. I took his hand again and rested my head on his shoulder.

I was missing him in the past two days. A lot. But I don't know what my head will do in a few days. I just hoped that it will stay like it is right now. No bad thoughts.

Jilliancollins

"Babe?" I asked Joe.
"Hey baby. Wake up." He slowly opened his eyes and looked at me.
"Are we there?"
"No. Three more hours. But we haven't eaten anything. The flight attendant just knocked and I ordered some food and drinks again." I told him.
"Thank you." He sighed and moved his hands through his face.

"Look how beautiful this looks." I told him as I looked out of the little window.
"Let me see." He said and crawled over.
"That is mindblowing. Wow. Where are we?" Joe asked.
"I have no Idea but that is worth a picture." I told him and took my phone to take one.

"It looks so unreal." Joe said soft and smiled.
"It looks like the clouds are mountains." I said and he agreed.

"I'm still so sleepy." Joe sighed and pulled he into his arms.
"Me too. But we eat something now and maybe after that we can sleep a couple more hours." I smiled and he nodded.

"I love you so much." He whispered and tightened his arms around me. I could get used to this sentence. I am not sure if I can already call it love. Therefore I waited.
"Don't do that." I laughed.