my mental health

Anxiety

so.. i have 2 types of anxiety but i thought i could cram them both into here. just before i start i wanted to say that these have no structure whatsoever and o won't be checking these over sooo.., that's great

anyways- i've been struggling with anxiety for a long time and i think he hardest thing about it (other than the obvious) was people faking anxiety, creating stereotypes and then saying i'm faking it. i had a toxic friend that faked a lot of mental disorders and that eventually spread around the school, so it is seen as 'cool' to have a crushing disorder and people get praised for claiming they have anxiety.
this issue has been especially hard when i try to explain to people that i have high functioning anxiety and social anxiety and they don't take it seriously because it's been so 'popular' through my school.

it annoys me to no extent that people think they can fake ANY disorder and still judge people for having it and i can't explain how much this has hurt me over the years.

i have made the mistake by continuously surrounding myself with people who tend to say the have social anxiety or an anxiety disorder then go and perfectly function with a million people surrounding them, and im not saying that you can't have anxiety if you have friends.. because i'm literally writing about myself right now..but it's just the way that these particular people act that make it so painfully obvious that their faking. and it fucking hurts.

apart of my social anxiety is selective mutism, so i practically cannot speak to new people and if i do it's a mumble or a hum, so i normally try to get other people to talk for me, but this is an issue when people everywhere only have anxiety when it suits them, so they think that i can switch it on and off like a fucking light switch.

"can't you order for yourself?"
"no"
"why?"
"i just cant, im sorry"
"you can order for yourself"

this was an actual conversation i had with one of my friends...

"i have anxiety"
"but you look fine!"

another conversation

no amount of words can express how annoyed i am with these stereotypes and fakers.

now i'm gonna talk a bit about my severe anxiety before i start shouting at a screen

anxiety can include the fear of failure. it can also include insomnia, caused by overthinking, constant fatigue, being unable to say no, constantly needing validation,  overthinking and over analysing small mistakes and thinking that everything bad is always going to happen.

in my minds logic:
the. worst. is. always. going. to. happen
everyone hates you
why did you do that in 5th grade? it was so dumb
they'll hate me for having feelings

i don't really know how else to explain it.. other than it fucking sucks and that it is so overlooked by people because of people who think it's cool to have severe anxiety..