Between Us

Chapter 21

I've had you since I was 14. If it weren't for you, I'd probably burst with all the pent up emotions going through my head right now. Sai isn't responding to any of my texts or calls. I still don't know Caden enough and I don't know WHY I want to know about him. Oh, and Jordan and I are awkward as heck.

Why am I experiencing everything a teenager would at this age? Is it because I'd missed out on so much of my high school life that I'm filling in for myself?

My hand ached from the death grip I had on my pen. I had to stop writing. Closing my diary and carefully putting it back into my satchel, I took my time in shaking my hand and stretching out my fingers. The pain of handwriting. I always thought it was such an exciting thing to do then regretted it the moment my hand was about to fall off the bone.

The dogs were having a good old time, playing with the other dogs, sniffing each others butts and barking at each other. If only I had the communication skills of a dog. Minus the butt sniffing. They all knew what they wanted and who they wanted to talk to. No confusion or misunderstandings.

From the corner of my eye, I saw someone that looked oddly familiar jogging down the path outside the dog park with a golden retriever. Caden, I realised. Conflicted at wanting to ask him if he wanted me to walk his dog still or if sitting here and keeping an eye on Milo and Turd was wiser ate at me.

I decided, because I was ever so responsible, that I'd only be a few minutes to ask him, anyway. The other dog owners were watching, too. I raced over to the very edge of the oval, near the fence to catch him before he disappeared down the slope and behind the houses.

"Caden," I exclaimed, coming to a stop with a heavy pant. I hadn't even run for two minutes and I was already exhausted. He, on the other hand, didn't even look bothered despite a thin film of sweat on his neck and his damp hair. He unhooked one earbud from his ear—it was one of those black over-the-ear earphones—and gave me a look. "Didn't you want me to walk Chunk?"

"I think he's good," came the flat reply.

"You mean...you don't want the dog walking service anymore?"

"No." Without even saying anything else, he continued to jog down the street. No glance over the shoulder, no hesitation, nothing whatsoever. I frowned as I watch him leave. Did he hate me that much? Was it because I was prying? Did he think that's all I was good for? I didn't really blame him. If our situations were reversed and all he did was pry or bring up things that I'd said I didn't want to talk about, I'd try and cut him out of my life, as well.

Not that I was in his life to begin with. He was clearly particular about the kinds of people he let in.

All those questions raced through me but I had no answer. Maybe that personalised pick was going to be for nothing if Caden didn't even want it.

***

A few days later, Paris had come back and invited me to go out for some ice cream. We walked side by side toward the little ice cream shop with the vintage booths and the colourful music box. It was like being blasted back to the past, I absolutely loved the vibe.

We slinked in behind the brown table of the red booths nearest to the front door. Since it was still daytime, there was barely anyone there except for the waitresses in red and white checkered dresses and puffy sleeves.

"How was your trip?" I asked, eager to know.

"My trip?" she asked, shrugging off her light jacket. "Oh, yeah! Jordan must have told you?"

"Caden."

"Ah. Well, it was all right. Are you and Caden getting along? You bring him up a lot."

"I do?" I thought back to our conversations. I guess I did speak about him more than I needed to. "We're not getting along per se...in fact, he's been cold to me. Like how he was when we first met."

"That's Caden for you. You'll get used to it."

"He does it to you, too?"

Paris made a high humming noise like she wasn't entirely too sure how to answer that. "Not...exactly. I think it's because you don't know each other that well."

Oh. I wish I could at least speak to Sai—who still wasn't answering any of my texts—about it. She would tell me straight if I was being desperate. Wait a second. In Caden's eyes, I was constantly around him, asking him questions. I was desperate in his eyes, wasn't I?

I leaned forward to whisper, "You don't think he thinks I'm...desperate, do you?"

"Oh, please!"

"Tell me the truth, Paris."

She put her elbow on the table and rested her chin in her hand. "Caden's just guarded, Shyla. You're not desperate. Why would you even think that?"

I shoved my hands into the space between my legs to stop them from shaking. "I even bought him a guitar pick."

"Wait what?!" She looked around, to make sure no one was glancing our way. "You bought him a pick?"

"As a thank you and a sorry for helping out with Jordan even if it didn't end well! Judging by your reaction I'm starting to think that this is gonna make me look even more desperate."

Paris tilted her head back and a loud laugh left her lips. She clutched the sides of her stomach. "Oh my god, you're so cute. You really bought him a pick as both a thank you and an apology?"

"Personalised," I mumbled.

"Jesus, a personalised guitar pick?"

"Please tell me this doesn't make me look desperate."

"It does," she began before hurrying to say, "but in a way that says you want to get to know him. Not that you love him or anything." My shoulders sagged. That's all I wanted to hear. If that was the truth...well, I'd find out soon enough when he would finally crack, right? "Speaking of love, how're things going with my brother?"

A waitress came up, took our orders and left before I answered. "We're not speaking. I only come to collect Milo and Turd and drop them off. The most we spoke was two days ago but even then it wasn't all that much."

"I think he was talking about having a proper chat with you sometime."

"No," I blurted. "I don't think I'm ready. Please?"

Paris blew out her cheeks. "Relax, I'll find some sort of excuse to tell him."

Even if Sai didn't like Paris, I really appreciated having her in my life. Not only was she a good friend, but if it weren't for her, I wouldn't have experienced all this.

No matter how heart wrenching it was. That should account for something. "But you realise he's coming to the gig, right? So you can't necessarily avoid him forever."

"He's what?" I spat.

"Yeah, didn't I tell you?"

I take back what I said about Paris. "No, you didn't," I squeaked out. I placed my palms on the table and straightened up. "You know what? This is fine. I'm an adult. I can deal with him, easy."

"That's the spirit! And it's Jordan we're talking about, my geeky brother. You'll laugh about all this soon enough."

"Of course."

Jordan and Sai in one place and me having to watch him making googly eyes at her. Yup, we'll totally be laughing about it. If he didn't think I was acting weird before, he would definitely think so now. Maybe he'd even find out why I was acting that way.

Oh god.