Three Converts

Part 18

"Don't." Sophie was crying and had only said that one word over and over. She thought I had a choice. If I did, I'd pick my family every time, but this was no choice of mine. The second they slammed that wooden frame over my neck, the council had slammed the door on my future in this community. How could she think I had a choice in this?

"Mother? Father?" All four of us were crying. As soon as they woke, I confessed to my family I was leaving. I begged them to come with me. We'd been crying ever since, with Sophie's pleads of "Don't," underscoring every sniffle.

"Lucy, we just can't. We can't. What they did to you is awful-"

"Inexcusable!" Mother exclaimed.

"But this is our home, our people."

"Our Diety," Sophie explained. Mother and Father looked at her. Diety hadn't even occurred to them. The Diety was why we all supposedly lived on the mountain, in this commune, but I knew he was an afterthought to almost everybody here. It was just another way in which we were abiding by a broken system.

"I can't stay," I wanted the words to come out gently, a whisper, but they thrust from my middle like flying fists. I tried again, "I can't stay." A little better. My family stared. A sheep bleated.

"We can't come with you," Father's voice was as soft as I'd ever heard it. Mother and Sophie hung on to each other, crying harder now. I stood facing all of them, I was already separated- the three of them in a line, staring at me.

"I understand." And I did. I don't know where I found the gall to hope I'd see them again someday. Maybe it was a defense mechanism my brain and heart put together for me. In that moment, I truly believed I would be reunited with my family.

I had to leave immediately. Drawing this out would be worse than the pillory. My family, always practical, sprung into action. Father had a large bag that he filled with food. He pressed what I knew to be all his money in the world into my hand, and so help me, I took it with gratitude. Mother pulled me to her bed. Under it was a bag. "It was wrong of me to keep these," she said as she pawed through it, "but I did." She pulled out a pair of pants and a t-shirt. I was shocked. I knew Mother was a convert, of course, but we never discussed her previous life. She pulled me tight and whispered, "I left my family too, you know." Why hadn't we ever talked about that? I knew why- it was taboo. It could have made her wistful for her old life. I should have asked anyway. Now there was no time for a heart-to-heart, but I had to at least know, "How did you decide?"

Mother gripped me tighter, "I also didn't have a choice." All my days I figured Mother came to the mountain because she believed in Diety, this way of life, but that wasn't it at all. She released me and for the first time in days her eyes were dry. Understanding passed between us as I took the clothes from her previous life. "Change later," she instructed. "If they see you leaving the mountain... they'll try to stop you."

Sophie was crying in front of the door as I walked toward it for the last time. "Please," she begged.

"Soph."

She threw her arms around me. "But I love you!"

"I love you too," I choked into her sweet curls. "So much."

"You can change your mind. Not now," she waived my argument out of my mouth, "Later. You can always come back. This will always be your home." I couldn't, and it wasn't, but I nodded anyway. I knew full well if I ever came back the council would make a real example out of me.

Before I lost my courage, I opened the door. It was still only morning, though it felt like I'd lived a hundred days in the past hour. I told myself I was just leaving for the day and gave my family, my beloved family, a wave and the bravest smile I could muster. I tried to say "Thank you," but that was pushing the limits of my bravery, so I turned and walked away instead. One foot in front of the other. I focused on the crunching under my feet.

I was almost to the trail, when I heard, "Lucy."

Franklin.