𝐀𝐥𝐥 𝐎𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐀𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧.

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 8- 𝐀𝐧𝐱𝐢𝐞𝐭𝐲

(⚠️Trigger warning for this chapter for a lot of mentions about overdosing/death to do with overdose⚠️)
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Okay nevermind. Maybe complicated was actually hard, very hard, especially when two mentally ill people are in love, one with Anxiety and the other with Schizophrenia. In the past 2 months Lance has had around 4 panic attacks whilst Keith keeps seeing figures that aren't there, hears voices whispering to him that he responds to out loud like a normal person just talked to him , however the medication he was given is actually helping. Lance can't get anything for himself though because he ends up trying to take too many at once, trying to overdose but then failing since someone swoops in to take the pills away quickly, its not like they don't help since well..they do, he just wants to take more than needed - something else that has been happening frequently is how when he has an attack he can see himself from highschool looking at him in disgust as it mouths just like the first time "Suck it up." Lance hasn't heard his own light voice yet from back then but thats sort of reliving? ugh he doesn't know anymore.

His therapist isn't doing shit either because all she talks about is how he just needs more medicine but Lance has explained multiple times that he can't have any more, its like the woman is following a script, like she was instructed to say these things despite having a client that is suffering a lot more than anyone else she has probably dealt with, which is the problem. You can't shove more meds down Lance's throat unless you want him to die, to overdose, nobody would be able to stop him then because it wouldn't just be one bottle anymore, it'd be many little orange bottles, strewn across the bathroom counter with the little white contents all over the floor around his corpse.

His friends, his now fiancé were so worried about him and hell Pidge even said maybe he should think about going to a hospital for 2 weeks but no, he would never after everything Keith told him happens there, it would get you to feel better but to Lance the treatment sounded so rough, he wasn't like Keith, he wouldn't be able to take it all. His breathing is starting to pick up as he lets his thoughts run wild, as he thinks about his anxiety - so he stops and puts his mind on something else, he thinks about all his clothes now..how he should buy new ones that fit and then give away the ones that don't, yeah he'll go raid the wardrobe of stuff that doesn't fit.

Lance walked upstairs to the bedroom and opened the wardrobe where everything was bung up or folded on a small shelf, he picked out things like dresses, crop tops, trousers, sweaters ect before putting them to the side in a pile.   He heard the door creak open behind him  "Hey baby."  He said  "Hey, what you doing here?"  Keith asked as he walked closer "Gonna give away things that don't fit." "You want any help?." Lance shook his head, he was done anyway "Alright well i have go to work and Pidge said they're gonna come  chill here if you're fine with it." Oh. Right. There was a little agreement put in place that when Keith left to go to work someone from their friend group would come over to keep him company, more like stop him from killing himself, he mostly always agreed to it since it would be good for him  - "Mhm we have a new game to play."     Keith crouched next to him to kiss him gently before getting up again "I'll text them and sau they can come over. I love you Lance."     "Love you too Keith."

Just like that he was gone for what is gonna be 5 hours, a long but hopefully fun 5 hours. Lance went downstairs to sit on the couch with the video game already set up on the tv and two controller's, Pidge was bringing some snacks for them whilst they would be playing plus watching a movie.   It didn't take long for the front door to open  "Heyy the party has arrivedd!".   his friend stood behind the couch "Did you bring the stuff?"    Lance questioned as Pidge then held up bags of food "You know i did."    "You blessing of a person where would i be without you dear friend?"        "In a hole somewhere probably".  Okay uhm harsh but hey it was undeniably true.  Pidge was in fact one of the reasons Lance is still alive, the amount of times they took a pill bottle out of Lance's grasp was so much that he eventually lost count.
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The two of them played for 4 whole hours, bursting through levels with ease,  Lance put the controllers away  whilst Pidge set up the movie they were gonna watch  "hey do we need more snacks?"   They ask   "Yeah i'll get some!". the tanned boy goes into the kitchen, raiding cupboards of any food that was in them and just as he was about to go back into the living room he looks at the stairs opposite the kitchen doorway..  "Hey Pidge? can you take these? i need the bathroom."   His friend got up and took them "don't take to long!"     "I wontt!"
Lance walked up to the bathroom, flicking the light on which made the whole room light up a bright white colour,  he picked up a bottle of pills, opened it and shoved one in his mouth before putting it back where it was like he never touched it -   be even flushed the toilet and washed his hands to make out he actually went.

The movie was already playing which he pretended to be offended by  "how dare you start scream without me!  you know how long i've wanted to see it!"     Pidge chuckled shoving some popcorn into their mouth, after that they were silent as they watched the movie.   Near the end of it the front door opened again as Keith announced he was home, he didn't get a response but was used to that by now when Lance and Pidge were invested in something - the raven haired man came to accept  that his presence would only be acknowledged after the movie was done which just so happened to be a minute later as he heard his soon to be-  husband say "SIDNEY DESERVED SO MUCH BETTER."  .    They noticed as Keith walked into their living room and they talked for a bit before Pidge left to go home, so now it was just him with Lance  "Babe can we have a curry for dinner?"   He asked  "you gonna make it?".  Lance answered with another question   "Then sure." , off Keith went to the kitchen

Lance curled up into some pillows with a sigh, thinking about what he did earlier for no reason, he didn't need to take that pill but he did and now he was feeling slightly  paranoid, a side effect of it so he brushed it off.  'Im getting better' he thought,  'after those i'll feel so much better' he thought again 'they're helping me' and again.  He's getting better...right?