𝐀𝐥𝐥 𝐎𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐀𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧.

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 9 - 𝐅𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐀𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭

(⚠️Another trigger warning!  this has attempted overdose/talk of overdose,even more talk about medication, talk about mental hospitals, panic attacks as well genuine a lot of emotions going on!⚠️)
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Why does he and Keith have to go somewhere today? Lance has been up all night now thinking about how far they'll be away from home, how they'll be in a sea of people, how he won't have his pills to take when he feels that his anxiety is getting too much. Its 7am and they have hours until they have to leave but Lance hasn't slept, he cant whilst thoughts consume him, Keith is next to him snoring away in peace which is the only slight comfort that he feels. Today is going to be like hell, technically everyday since Keith was arrested has been hell and Lance hates it, he hates it so much..why did it have to feel this way?  why did his feelings have to curl around him like they wanted to strangle him?   he got up to go to the bathroom again with a painful ringing in his ears -  he doesn't dare look in the mirror because he knows whats going to be staring back at him, looking at him with pure disgust and anger so he stays looking down at his twitching hands.  The tanned skin of his is covered in layers of sweat that he'll have to shower off before they leave,  his eyes feel hurt and feel so heavy but he can't close them, his whole body is starting to shake slightly and because he can't help it..he looks up.

There in the mirror is him. Younger, prettier, healthier, feminine, the look on his face is horrible, it jabs into his own emotions, then he hears his old slightly high pitched voice  

"Oh finally!  jeez..look at you, why did you turn us into a mess like this? all gross and sweaty, also whats with the nonstop med taking? you're going to get us killed. If only you stayed like like me none of this would've happened but oh well you made your mistake thats just too hard to fix, so, Suck it up."    Lance's voice cracked as he dropped his gaze again "J-just leave me alone..".   why did he have to be haunted by his past?  there wasn't even a reason for that to be happening since he's okay and he's doing just fine. 

Any tears threatening to escape his eyes were wiped away before he left the bathroom to get back in bed where Keith was actually awake now   "Shit did i wake you?"  Lance asks softly "Huh? no you didn't don't worry baby." when he gets back into bed Lance wraps himself up in Keith's embrace where its safe and where nothing could hurt him. They stay that way for the remainder of the morning before they actually have to get up and be ready to venture far away from home into a deep part of the city, Lance slings his bag over his shoulder to a position where the light rattling of pills won't be heard every time he moves, Keith will stay oblivious which is good, he won't worry about him.
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The city is buzzing with people as they move constantly in crowds, people are knocking into eachother without a care in the world because everyone is mindlessly trying to reach their own destination, its a soul reason Lance is clinging to Keith's arm right now but also because he feels like a million eyes are on him. Feels like every person is judging him even though they really aren't, they don't know who he is or do they? Oh godohgodohgodohgidgodohgodohgodohgid
what if they did know who he was!?.

Lance's eyes are starting to so sporadically move around the crowds as he and Keith have stopped walking...and there clear as day is what he thinks is a 16 year old him standing on their phone popping some bubble gum, a boy attached to their arm tightly who looked like Keith at 17 years old. He was so losing it, the two of them looked at him curiously before smiling mischievously then sauntering off amongst the public. Something shattered deep inside him at that moment as Lance disconnected himself from Keith carefully to walk over to someone on a bench - a fairly beautiful woman with long braids in her hair that just went with her deep blue eyes. He started up a sweet conversation with her that had her smiling appreciatively, luckily she was too caught up in the moment to notice the glance that Lance took away from her.