WrongSufferedAtHands

28.

Now that Afiyah had ascended the ladder, the step she was perched on was the topmost. The water ahead was as deep as an emotional chasm, and she was willing to dive to its depth for the final time before she perishes into nothing but dust. Afiyah's heart had now grown frigid, and she felt no feeling at all, as if all of her sentiments had been drained from her.

"You resigned from your career, seriously?"

When the booming screech blasted into her hearing, Afiyah had her eyes shut and her head resting on the chair. As the voice reverberated in her skull, she winced.

She cocked her head to cast a derogatory glare in Bushra's direction, which had her mouth hanging open and eyes wide open.

"Are you for real? This isn't a game that you can quit whenever you desire; it was your ambition that you simply splattered water over." Bushra wailed while pacing back and forth in the room, her hands in her scalp, pulling at it furiously out of frustration.

Again wincing at the intensity of her voice, Afiyah said, "You yell terribly loud, it hurts my head."

"Your head? I'm tempted to leap off a cliff after what you did. I find it hard to believe you just quit your career. Afiyah, you possessed everything."

"In the absence of a life, what would I do with a job?" She posed a direct and plain statement, "I don't want anything anymore. And moreover, I don't desire anything of mine to be surviving here, I wish everything to be buried as I die." she said as she rose up and headed over to the chest of drawers.

"You're screwing up everything and everyone." Bushra prodded her, "I didn't realize you were this coward." lowering her head in disdain.

After halting to look at Bushra through the mirror and ask, "Coward?" Afiyah resumed her action of taking the earring out of her ear, "Cowards flee from their dilemmas, and therefore I'm driving you all to flee from mine."

Turning to face her, Afiyah said, "You can never know what's going on in someone else's existence, and you can never be aware of the misery they're experiencing. Even though it is difficult for me, if I accomplish all of this, I will fade away peacefully, leaving no trace of me among you all."

Bushra avoided looking at Afiyah and attempted to elude meeting her eyes as she noticed that her own eyes were warming up from fresh tears.

"Bushra, you have no idea how difficult it is for me." she said in a trembling voice, without shedding a single tear, "I'm leaving those individuals with whom I planned to spend my entire life. Divorcing Affan was like taking a step back from your victory, and having Hassan neglect me was like sliding out of the embrace of contentment and thrills."

She took a breather, biting her lip as she peered at the wall as her mind drifted elsewhere, "I couldn't make myself assume that the Hassan who pledged to love me till the day we bleed to death, didn't want to see my face. The Hassan who always ensured me safety and insisted we meet in the wee hours didn't even give me a last peek. Let me depart with a smile, let me simply assume that what I'm doing is a good deed." Afiyah said as she approached Bushra and held her hand in her own. "Encourage me on my way to grave." she said, squeezing her hand.

The small hand was in hers, squeezing it as she turned to look at Zoya staring up at her.

"Don't worry mama; I will be happy with them. They are going to look after me. And please come back soon, Mama." Afiyah knelt and pressed their foreheads together after hearing her whimper.

"My sweetheart, I'll be home before you realize." Despite the twisting knots in her chest, she grinned at her daughter, "Mama will come back." To her, she lied.