The Odd One Out

SS. 11 - A Genius' Considerate Contemplation

I was currently alone on the cruise ship's deck.

Remembering something that man had told me in the White Room.

"Kiyotaka. Anything unnecessary for your growth, remove it."

At the time, I was still four. I felt emotions like everyone else, like the other members from my generation of the White Room.

Every time someone was punished in front of my eyes, I would feel scared. Every time I completed a task, I would feel relieved. Every time someone was disposed of, I would feel apprehensive.

Until I realized those emotions were holding me back.

If you don't manage your emotions, then your emotions will manage you, Deborah Rozman once said.

Anything unnecessary for me development? Emotions aren't necessary. Friends aren't necessary. Family isn't necessary. All I need to do is to let them go to survive.

That was what I thought at the time.

Slowly but surely, I had started feeling less and less fear, less and less apprehensiveness, less and less pain with each passing day.

I had lost count of the number of children that had mental breakdowns, panic attacks, and that were disposed of. However, whether they succeeded or not had nothing to do with me. Emotions could only hinder my growth.

Even after witnessing countless deaths and punishments, I felt... nothing. After all, I had to do what I had to do to win.

But was there another way?

There is no point in denying the fact that the White Room has made me who I am. But could there have been another way for me to survive the Fourth Generation?

No. This was the only way it could be done.

The proof is that I am the only survivor. The only success to ever come out of the White Room. The truth is that nobody can beat me even if I hold back.

There's no point in me hoping to be defeated.

But, perhaps that is why I can afford to learn emotions.

Now, I'm attending the Tokyo Metropolitan Advanced Nurturing High School. The goal for most students here is to graduate from Class A. While that was also a goal I had set for myself, I knew that I could easily achieve that goal without ever needing to show my full abilities.

Life here is nothing like the White Room. There is nobody to give me tasks, nobody to punish me if I failed to do something. Nobody that could prevent me from doing what I want.

That is why I had decided beforehand that I would not only graduate from Class A, but also satisfy my curiosity and answer my questions.

Can I feel emotions again? Could I change?

Those were probably my biggest questions.

How does it feel like to be happy? To be sad? To be frustrated? To be in love?

I've read about those feelings from textbooks. However, if I were to experience them firsthand, then that would be better than reading any textbook.

Experiencing emotions myself will certainly prove to be helpful in the future. There are still many things unknown to me in this field.

This field is a long and confusing maze, and I'd say I'm currently stuck at the very beginning of it.

All I need is someone to give me a helping hand, someone to be a human textbook to help me to learn emotions...

"Kiyotaka?"

I turned around to see Arisu walking towards me slowly.

What a freaky coincidence.

There was a calm silence that lasted a few seconds.

"Something on your mind?" she finally said.

"Sort of," I said.

"Tell me about it."

"I think I want to learn about emotion."

"Fufufu... better late than never I guess."

********

Author's Notes

Hey!

That's the end of the short stories for Chapter 4, next up is Chapter 5!

What does the future hold for Kiyotaka?

Disclaimer: As of now, Kiyotaka still wants to win (whatever that means for him), and just wants to learn about emotions as a some sort of side quest I guess.

At least, that's what he wants right now... who knows how he'll develop as he learns about emotions?

Anyways, see you soon!