weezer kidnaps you and adopts you

weezer is your new dad

I'm sorry for writing this

You wake up in your bed, its a Thursday, Thursdays suck ass so youre angry so you go angrily brush your hair and get ready for school. You put on your cat ear headphones and demonias platform shoes that make you 5'12 and throw on your favorite weezer pinkerton shirt and some spiky cuffs and choker or whatever

"I fucking hate Thursdays and I love Weezer" you say as you grab your backpack that says "I love Wezer" spelled exactly like that in all caps in purple sharpie. You go to your kitchen where your mom is

"Get your fuckinf ass to school your late you fucking disappointment whore" your fatass mom says

"Kill yourself faggot" you say back and grab like idk a pack of gushers cause you're poor and head out the door.

You begin walking to school but it's like kinda far so it takes a while anyways you're walking to school and you put weezer on your headphones and you walk. Suddenly you're pulled into a van and you're like blindfolded ig. You can hear four dudes talking but you aren't too sure what they're saying. Eventually they take your headphones and blindfold off and you see Rivers, Patrick, Brian, and Matt (yes I'm using Matt stfu)

"Oh my god weezer!!!" you say

"hello child i am rivers cuomo from the 1990s band weezer" rivers cuomo from the 1990s band weezer says

"im here too" matt says

"fuck you nobody likes you matt" brian says

"ok" matt says

"Are you okay you look pretty emo" Patrick asks you

"Yeah I'm just emo" you reply

"Tell me child what is your favorite song of ours" rivers cumo asks

"Love Explosion from the maladroit album" you reply. You know the entire blue album is overrated so you dare not say one of those

"Good choice, if you said buddy holly we would've killed you on the spot" Matt says

"Kill yourself matt that's like our best song go kill yourself faggot" brian says to him

"Ok" Matt say. Anyways he was the one driving so he drives the van off a cliff because let's say you live on a cliff I guess anyways you guys all crash into the ground and are somehow ok then Weezer takes you to the "Super Duper Secret Real Weezer Headquarters Secret Secret Base Weezer"

"This is the Super Duper Secret Real Weezer Headquarters Secret Secret Base Weezer" rivers Cuomo says as you all enter the Super Duper Secret Real Weezer Headquarters Secret Secret Base Weezer. You're now in the Super Duper Secret Real Weezer Headquarters Secret Secret Base Weezer and it's like super fucking cool they've got so much cool shit anyways they show you a bedroom and tell you that's where you live now

"You live in here now in the Super Duper Secret Real Weezer Headquarters Secret Secret Base Weezer" Rivers says

"Also we're youre new dad's were all gay for eachother" Patrick says

"Yay" you say. You now live in the Super Duper Secret Real Weezer Headquarters Secret Secret Base Weezer and Weezer are your dad's and you lived weezily ever after the end I fucking hate this