(Now) I'm a Beliver- ShinBaku

love was out to get me

He's alone in the morning.

His chest physically aches, so much so that he fists a hand in his shirt over his chest and grits his teeth, holding back tears. The emptiness seems to crush in all around him, even though he can hear Katsuki in the kitchen making coffee.

Hitoshi finally crawls out of bed at some point and stumbles to the bathroom. He doesn't bother turning a light on. The last thing he wants to see right now is himself. He sits against the wall of the fancy tub and puts his head in his hands.

This time, he remembers to cry quietly.

When he wears himself out, and the numbness takes over, he gets up slowly, and rinses his face off in the sink.

Katsuki stands over the coffee machine in the kitchen, his arms crossed over his chest, impatiently waiting for the coffee to be done. He turns around once he hears Hitoshi, and smiles softly.

"You're up early."

Hitoshi didn't sleep.

"Mm, guess so."

Katsuki crosses the kitchen and opens his arms welcomingly. Hitoshi doesn't know how to get out of it without seeming weird, so he lets Katsuki hug him.

Hitoshi's arms stay at his sides.

"You okay?" Katsuki rumbles.

Still, after all the heartache, Hitoshi just yearns to pull Katsuki closer, and press his ear to Katsuki's chest so every time he speaks Hitoshi can hear more of that deep, deep rumble.

"Mm."

"Thinking about... What you told me last night?"

Hitoshi freezes.

"About that meeting?"

Hitoshi once again is glad he thought to put on scent patches before leaving his room, because otherwise his cycle of emotions would have been immediately given away.

"Um, a little. Yeah."

Katsuki rubs his back, and Hitoshi squeezes his eyes shut, praying to whatever deities that may exist out there that he won't burst into tears again.

Katsuki finally lets him go when the coffee machine beeps. Hitoshi takes his now-familiar seat across the island. Katsuki serves them both a cup and slides one over the table to Hitoshi.

Hitoshi stares down into the dark, steaming liquid, and fights the urge to run for it, like he did yesterday.

Katsuki still hasn't said anything.

Hitoshi shouldn't expect him to. He has no right to expect anything at all from Katsuki. This was all his fault; these horrible, aching, crushing feelings. He knew he'd get attached if he let Katsuki stay, and he told him to anyway.

Less than a week of attention, and Hitoshi falls head over heels. Fucking pathetic.

"You know staring at the coffee doesn't work to magically transport it into your mouth, you gotta actually pick it up, right?" Katsuki tries to tease. His tone is too light. He smells almost... Nervous.

Hitoshi picks up his coffee and takes a sip.

He doesn't notice Katsuki walking around the island, but he does notice the hand reaching out toward his face from the corner of his eye. It makes Hitoshi do something he hasn't done in years.

He flinches.

They both stare at each other for a moment. Katsuki's scent says that he's panicking slightly, so Hitoshi tries to explain.