What is Love?

Tahanan - Part One

WARNING: Serious topics are discussed in this chapter. It may be uncomfortable for other readers so feel free to skip this story.

"STOP crying, Alestila! Nakakarindi ang ingay mo!" 

My whole body flinched when the vase hit on the wall, causing it to break. Nakita ko kung paano lumipad ang mga maliliit na parte nito sa iba't ibang bahagi ng kwarto ko. Some of it even scratched my face and arms but I didn't mind it. 

I focused on trying to stop myself from crying. Gamit ang maliliit kong kamay, nilapat ko ito sa aking bibig–nagbabaka sakali na hindi nito mailalabas ang iyak na aking nasa lalamunan. 

"How many times do I have to tell you, Alestila?! You are my daughter! You are the one and only daughter of Arabella Santiledo! You should be the best in everything because you carry my name!" She started walking in my direction that made my whole body shiver.

Ramdam ko kung paano unti-unting kumalat ang takot sa buong katawan ko nang hawakan ni mommy ang buhok ko. Itiningala niya ako nang marahas kaya't napahawak ako sa kaniyang mga kamay.

"Alestila, you fucking useless child!" Nanggigigil na sigaw niya sa akin.

She started to swing my head, really really fast. It made me dizzy that I feel like I want to throw up but I know I need to hold it in. 

Ilang minuto rin ay tumigil na si mommy sa pagsabunot sa akin. I'm still trying to stop myself from making any noise when she did something I didn't expect.

"Don't disappoint me again, Alestila. Or else," She didn't finish her sentence and just walked out of my room.

Nanatili akong nakatingin sa kawalan habang hawak ang pisngi na sinampal ni mommy. It was the first time she slapped me and I can still hear the sound of her palm. 

Unti-unting tumulo ang mga luha na kanina ko pa pinipigilan at ang hikbi na aking tinatago. Patuloy lang ako sa pag-iyak ko habang yakap ang sarili kong mga tuhod. I keep on thinking that I deserve this because I made mommy angry.

Kung na-perfect ko lang sana ang exam namin, sana hindi nagalit si mommy. Kung nag-aral lang ako nang mabuti, sana hindi na-disappoint si mommy sa 'kin. 

If I'm just a better daughter, my mommy wouldn't have to hurt me.

That's when I started to aim to be the best. Araw-araw, wala akong ibang ginawa kung hindi mag-aral. Lahat ng lessons na kinuha ni mommy ay pinasa ko.

Elementary, I graduated as a valedictorian.

Junior High School, I graduated as a valedictorian too. I got the Loyalty Award as well as the Leadership Award. 

Everything was alright. The past few years were peaceful between me and my mother. My mommy was content with my achievements. She didn't slap me again like she did when I was seven years old.

Except for hair pulling and breaking vases.

Ah, I must've lost my mind. What am I even doing? Everything was in place, so, why is this happening?

"Ms. Santiledo, you're 5 weeks pregnant."

Marami pang sinabi si Dr. Verida ngunit hindi na ito tinanggap ng sistema ko. The only thing I understand right now is that I, the one and only daughter of Arabella Santiledo, is pregnant.

"Ms. Santiledo?" The doctor's voice acted as my cold water, waking me up in my own trance.

"Can I abort it?" That's the first thing I said after analyzing my situation.

Hindi maaring dalhin ko ang batang 'to. Liban sa hindi ko kayang harapin ang galing ng aking ina, hindi ko kaya. 

I'm still studying! Hindi ko kayang buhayin 'tong nasa loob ko! I'm still not ready, and obviously, hindi ko pa kayang bigyan ng magandang buhay ang magiging anak ko! Not now!