Doore: A Short Sapphic Romance (GxG)

Everything was good

-Anjali-

"..rest will be fine.." "for now we don't Sanjana" "family?" "we can't touch Sanya even if we had any evidence" 

People spoke around me, half of it I couldn't comprehend as I drifted in and out of sleep.  I woke up to a dark room, the city lights and skyscrapers glimmering outside the window. I pulled myself up and looked in front to see Sanjana sleeping on a second bed. My mouth was dry, I grabbed the jug from beside the bed and poured myself a glass of water. The aching muscles on my back wasn't enough to give me a hard time, my throat hurt so badly as I swallowed the water. Sanjana woke up from the voice of me groaning in pain. 

"Are you awake? You should have just pressed the button, give me that", she grabbed the glass of water from my hand letting me lean back on the bed. 

"I'll call the doctor, wait", she said and walked out. 

...

It took me three whole days to be declared fit enough to be discharged from there. As early as I could, I booked a ticket back to Kannur. With every crew member attending the after-party, there was no witness to what had happened that day. Even if there was, Sanjana's insistence that she had seen it was ridiculed and ignored by the magazine. Even my fame and connections meant nothing. Without her by my side, I was only a photographer who could be replaced any moment. 

I sighed as I adjusted my cap and looked at Sanjana hurrying to me with two suitcases. A turtleneck was the worst option for the climate but it was necessary to cover the bruises pretty evident on my neck. 

"You're coming for literally a week. Why do you need that much luggage?" I asked out of concern. The excess baggage charges were no joke here. 

"Mind your own business", she raised one eyebrow, walking to the entrance at the airport and giving her passport. I followed. 

...

The autorickshaw driver helped unload the luggage and keep it in the guest house. All the while Ashwathy threw me glances but spoke not one word. I avoided her gaze as much as I could only smiling as I introduced Sanjana to her and aunty. Aunty was elated to have a guest and got into ordering bakery items for when Sanjana would leave. Too early. I tried telling but my voice wasn't back yet.  

She took airport fashion a bit too seriously was the best excuse Sanjana made on my behalf when aunty asked if it wasn't hot. I again, only laughed. I accompanied Sanjana into the guest house as she pushed me to sit on the edge of the bed. 

"Are you sure you don't want to tell them?" I looked at her face for a second, not answering, then nodded looking away. I wish I could but I didn't want to make the effort to be understood, not now at least. I was too tired for it. Sorting out my thoughts I hadn't realized the stream of tears that flowed down my face. Sanjana held me close, brushing her hands along the back of my head as I sniffled and whined silently. 

...

"Are you better?" Sanjana asked her hands still holding mine. I nodded in response and got up to walk out. I mouthed a thank you before heading out to the house. 

I wasn't. I don't know when I was ever going to be. 

...

The same room that I stayed in all these days suddenly felt small and suffocating. I grabbed the Absolut I had bought from the airport and poured myself half a glass. What I had done to relieve myself came back at me with the horrible pain of the neck muscles as I struggled to swallow the drink. After downing a few shots, I realized I should stop and grabbed the water bottle by the bedside to find it empty. I slid the wooden block to open the door and walked to the stairs only to be stopped by a hand. I flinched and looked at the figure, my heart racing. 

"I'll get it for you. Don't advertise the fact that you drank", Ashwathy said and grabbed the bottle from my hands, walking downstairs. I staggered back to the room and sat on the edge of my bed. Ashwathy walked in a few minutes later. I watched as she entered the room and stood a step ahead of the door. I looked quizzically until I felt I needed to break the silence. 

"You want a drink?" She immediately closed the door, latching it and headed to the table behind me, pouring herself a glass and downing it. I stood perplexed. I held her hand, stopping her as she poured another,

"Have you drank before? If not you shoul-"

"I don't like it", she declared. 

"Well, I only have this brand so-"

"I don't like it when she touches you", 

"Oh", I murmured looking down. This was weird. Possessive? Jealous? Why would Ashwathy be? There was no reason for her to!

"You trust her enough to cry in her arms but you didn't even tell me about this", she spoke as she stepped closer and pointed to my neck, her fingers barely an inch away. I stood looking away outside the window. 

"I'm sorry I.. I-", I was interrupted by an overwhelming harshness against my lips which left me gripping the edge of the table tightly. She pulled away within seconds, covering half her face and turned to rush out, unlocking the door. I grabbed her wrists, "I'll tell you everything. I'll listen to what you have to say as well. Just...just don't run away", I hoped she would listen as I pleaded. She did. She turned around and sat down on the floor beside the bed. I watched for a few seconds before sitting beside her on the floor. 

....

For hours, I had talked about things I'd never told anyone. Not just the bad memories, the good ones as well. The first photography gig, the first time I tried modelling, the first time I was called out for being too short, about Sanya, about my parents. As promised, she had sat listening, never once meeting my eyes, but this was enough. As I watched the first faint rays of light touch the green trees outside, I turned to sit down so I was facing her. 

"What was that though?" I watched her biting her lips as I asked. 

"What?" She managed to mumble. 

"Nothing", I rested my elbows on the bed and leaned my head into my palms, looking at her as she gulped. 

"You have never kissed anyone have you?"

"Who said that? I have...experience", the last word came out in a lower voice than the rest. I narrowed my eyes and shook my head smiling, "no way. It was terrible", I teased and turned back to sit, turning my head towards the window, concealing my own smile. 

"Blame the videos. Not my fault", she said admittingly. I frowned and looked at her, astonished and burst out laughing. 

"Why would you watch a video?" I asked still unable to control my laughter. She pouted in protest and got up. 

"I have to be down before mother wakes up!" I mimicked her getting up and nodded. 

"I'll see you later then", I said smiling. She nodded and walked out. I sat down on the bed, watching the small pond beside the gate, reflecting the orange sky. It was good. Everything was good. It was so good that I was growing anxious. Am I supposed to be this happy? Is this even normal? I'd forgotten this part of life. It felt good to be reminded again.