Sometimes it feels like I'm drowning, I feel my head is gonna explode I feel like I'm drowning in my depression. It feels like I'm being dragged down into a dark emptiness. I feel like I'm dying sometimes I feel like I can't tell people things I'm just afraid of what will happen if I say what I'm doing to myself.
I'm afraid they'll send me to a mental hospital for what I'm doing to myself. I'm not physically hurting myself, not really. It's more mentally I don't try and hurt myself it's more to me like a coping mechanism until I get what I need. I think I need medicine for my depression because I think I'd feel better if I'd take medicine for it I think everything would be better if took pills for my depression. I'd be happier Mabey. life might just get a little bit easier if I took medicine for my depression.
I think I've had depression since I was ten or eleven because in fourth grade I started to get sadder and I hated myself more I got so much more anxious too I felt like people hated me and my dad had to take me to a psychiatrist that's when I had PTSD and SCT. if you don't know what SCT is I was told it's the opposite of ADHD it's really called sluggish cognitive tempo it's a disorder where you have a slow process of information and you daydream more and PTSD is post-traumatic stress disorder it's where people have trouble recovering after a horrible incident or something close to that.
my disorders have messed up my life but they made me more aware of things in the world.
Death is something that will happen a lot everyone and everything dies someday it's sad but it's true I think I realized this a lot when I was around eleven I thought a lot about the topic of death in my life it used to scare my but it makes me feel nothing I don't know how to really react to. death but I know if my dad or mom died I would be so sad cause I would lose people who I have really known all my life.
I'm so tired sometimes and it makes me feel numb to real pain and sadness sleep makes me get through my life but it's like I'm already dead sometimes. I'm fine but I really do need more therapy. I have such a fucked up head.
I don't wanna hurt the people I love I wanna live a life knowing the things I did were good.
I don't really have anything left to say but I can say I won't just give up I'll keep fighting for the ones who care about me.
DATE AND TIME and message
9:24 PM 8/25/2022
For the ones who care Don't worry I'll get through it I promise please don't make me regret posting this. to my mom cause I know you'll probably read this don't talk to dad about this till I tell you about how I'm feeling.
