Every day feels the same for me. Every day is a battle for me, I'm fighting through the days to stay awake, to stay alive, to feel good, to find myself in my life, and to figure out who I am, or who I want to become. On very few days, I feel happy but on those days I am surrounded by people who love me. Sometimes my family other times my friends and sometimes it's just something or someone that can make me feel good alive or happy. I am happy to have the people who love and care about me, if I didn't have them I honestly wouldn't be here I'd be in a grave or be ashes. I would have killed myself if I was alone and had barely anyone I would be dead. I've told myself I like to be alone because I'm constantly alone. Nobody around, me nobody to talk to, just alone the feeling, and being alone constantly. Being surrounded by nothing, not much to do, not anyone to talk to but myself, and sometimes a god that may or may not exist. I might just be talking to the devil or any spirit that's around to hear me speak out loud about how I feel about other people myself and my life. I always thought I liked being alone but I've realized that I don't. I want to be around people even if I hate it, I need to be around people especially people I like because they make me feel better they make me feel happier they make me feel something and I need that.I need to feel something other than sadness and loneliness, if I keep feeling this I will end up unhappy and have a broken sense of my reality and life itself I need to be around the people I love because they make me feel less of the loneliness they're the way I can feel happy and good and help me get through my life.I'm afraid I'm broken and I cannot be fixed, I've missed school so much that I'm not allowed to walk out at graduation. I don't completely mind because I hate walking out in front of people I'm shy and don't like it when people look at me.I can see the pity on some people's faces I can feel the way they look at me their eyes tell me a story of what they think of me some are angry, and disappointed, and the worst I see on people's faces is pity.pity makes me feel the worst it makes me feel like I'm burning it makes me hate the person who is looking at me it pisses me off.
