Deadpool Syndrome - A Marvel Fanfic

Chapter 24 - You Gotta Be Crazy, Gotta Have A Real Need

***GWEN***

"We can't just get outta here!" Skye yells as we run downhill. "All those people in the lodge are gonna be defenseless!"

"You suggesting we make a stand?" Peter asks. "Hope you guys brought weapons for the ones who don't have superpowers!"

"Of course we did," says May. She turns around to shoot a Dark Elf who's getting a little too close to her. "They're in my SUV."

"Night-Night Guns?" I ask hopefully.

"Yeah, those," May says. "And Cap's shield."

"When did we bring that?" I ask.

"You must have missed it," Steve says, "but I brought it onto the jet. Thor, on your six!"

"What?" Thor doesn't seem to understand the meaning of Steve's military terminology at first. But then he turns around and gets the point - specifically, the point of a Dark Elf arrow less than two feet from his nose. Before the Elf can fire, however, Thor pounds his hammer on the forest floor, sending waves of lightning arcing around him in a wide radius.

This Dark Elf is fried - but it doesn't spark like the cyborg ones. Clearly, at least some of them are still flesh and blood instead of Ultron clone-bots in disguise. I'm not sure which option is worse.

"Hey, careful with that!" Peter yells, clutching his wrists. "Lightning and webshooters don't mix!"

I laugh lightly as I remember the time Peter used a jumper cable and a cop car's engine to magnetize his webshooters, thus protecting them from Electro. The last time he'd faced that guy, Electro had utterly destroyed his webshooters with his powers.

"Sorry," Thor says with a cheeky grin. "Guess I don't know my own strength."

"Hey, only I get to be sassy around here," Deadpool says. "Well, Peter can get in on the fun too if he wants."

"Gee, thanks for the permission," Peter says.

"What, and I don't get any myself?" I complain.

"Whatever," Deadpool says. He unsheathes one of the swords on his back and stabs another Dark Elf - a cyborg this time - without even looking. One down - ten million to go.

When we reach the parking lot in front of the lodge, Peter has Skye toss him the keys to one of the rented Durangos. He then jumps into the backseat for about ten seconds before emerging from the other side, his clothes cast off to show the Spider-Man suit instead. He's also put on his mask, and is now crouching in an oddly bug-like position on the SUV's roof.

There's the Spidey I remember, I think.

"Gwen! Think fast!" Skye loads a Night-Night Gun with a fresh clip and throws it to me. She then does the same for Maggie and Sam, while May tries to give one to Sif.

However, with a somewhat contemptuous smirk, Sif says, "I don't need a gun." And she proves it by removing a small, dark object from the pocket of her hoodie - which is baggy enough to hide it surprisingly well. "Thor, you're not the only Asgardian capable of harnessing the power of the storm!" she cries as she raises the object to an incoming Dark Elf, then plunges it into its face. A familiar clicking noise fills the air as the Elf sparks and collapses - except this one's not a cyborg.

"All right!" says an awestruck Steve. "Let's hear it for Asgardians with Tasers, people!"

"Thor, if I need you to recharge this thing, you'll do it, right?" Sif asks.

"If I'm not busy," Thor says.

Peter deploys a webline, which connects with the face of an Elf. As soon as it stops to try and claw the sticky stuff off its face, I raise the gun and take a shot. My brothers and I have all been taught how to use a gun by our dad, but I've not had shooting lessons in a couple of years, and I'm a tad bit more rusty than I'd care to admit. But I at least manage to nail the Elf in its shoulder, which isn't that far off from my intended target - its forehead. Maggie, however, shoots the same elf in the neck, causing an almost comical outpouring of blood from its jugular.