Loud Silence

Chapter Five

TAYLOR

The sound of Violet's voice fills the house, and I become impatient, knowing that my time alone with Jasmine is up.

Panic sets in, as I know I have once again gone too far, reaching too deep. I know I shouldn't have accepted Violet's invitation to the bar, comprehending that she was giving me a chance to be alone with Jasmine. But after the text from Violet, I was worried that the recent event with Tim's parents would crush her, and she would drown herself in misery.

Nevertheless, what did I think I could do for her, as if she hasn't been through enough? I have inserted myself into her world, and what will result of it? I had tried so hard to refrain from being close to her, knowing that my existence will only bring her more anguish. But when I pulled her back from a fall at that bar, our bodies adjoined, and it was as though I was hit with a thunderbolt.

I've had my fair share of women, never a problem finding one for the night, sometimes resulting in an altercation between the females.

Sex is part of a need, a source of release after a moment of satisfaction. Feelings have nothing to do with it, nor did I want it to, and I've never understood why some women found the act of intercourse anything other than physical pleasure.

Yet with Jasmine, I crave her touch in a way that aches me. Every brush of her finger, every glance of her eyes, and my manhood has completely hardened at her attention.

I knew I should have denied her request to enter the house, but when she had turned to me, looking at me from under her long lashes, I was no longer in control of my body, following mindlessly behind her.

Oh, why did she have to be so clumsy, causing us to make a thrashing contact on the floor? Lying on top of her, I wanted to immediately absorb her lips, and sucking her in all the places that would make her scream my name.

But I know her story, the trauma she had been through, of having some asshole constantly forcing himself on her, the thought alone sending rage through every blood vessel of mine. No, I wanted to treat her with respect, for her to show me what she wanted from me, how far she wanted to go with me.

I thought I could control myself, to give her a slight kiss, a swift moment of admiration, although any action at all was unacceptable. But the taste of her sweet lips intoxicated me, and I yearned to taste more of it, reveling in the savoriness that was her mouth.

I should have pulled away, but when she grabbed a lock of my hair, my erection sore for her every touch and almost bursted in my pants like some virgin under the spell of Aphrodite. If it wasn't for the incident of the control falling on her, I swear I would have lost it.

My desire for her is unquestionable, yet also unexplainable, because it wasn't only the desire between my legs, but an obscure tugging of my heartstrings. She radiates with pure beauty and innocence, her eyes nothing short of miraculous amber against the sun, color matching the wavy, extended length of her hair, that I long to entangle between my fingers.

But why do I desire her with so much urgency? Out of the millions of women in this world, why did my delinquent heart choose her?

Our stories are too conflicting, and the end game will be turmoil and destruction. I am wrong for her in every possible way, yet, the sound of her voice, the fragrance of her smell, causes me to tremble to my knees.

"Taylor," she whispers against my ear, still seated on the counter, sending yet another wave of electricity straight past my lungs and down to my groin. "I think I should get up."

I obey and assist her as she slides off the counter, watching her thighs rub against the marble, wishing my hands were between them. Get it together, Taylor. This is becoming embarrassing.

Following behind her, I can see the sway of her hips, imagining how they would feel as I pivot them with my hands, the thought alone enthralling my innards. What the hell is wrong with me?

"Hey, guys!" Violet's voice immediately alleviates my appetite. She is just as beautiful as her sister, only differing from the shape of their faces. But besides the fact that she somehow resembles nothing more than a little sister to me—a title I hold very exclusively—it was the essence of Jasmine that drew me into her, beyond her physical beauty.

"Coming out of the bedroom together? Nice," Violet says facetiously, as Jasmine glares at her in a manner that I think will release fire from her breath.   

"Jasmine had a little accident," I point to her patched up wound, trying to ease the tension.

"Bedroom injuries? Even better!" Violet is digging herself so deep, I am no longer capable of saving her.

"Thanks for your concern about my well-being, Vi," my Jasmine says sarcastically.

My? I did not just use a possessive pronoun in front of her name. The air here has proven to be too sharp, making me struggle with every breath I take, most likely causing my mind to become delusional.

"Well, I have to get back to the hospital." My heart weighs heavy just knowing that I will separate from her. I've done nothing but imagine how it would be like to have her awoken, to share our time with conversations. But each moment I've seen her since then has been scarce, although full of anticipation.

I turn to Jasmine, wanting to embrace her in my arms, desperate to place another kiss on her lips. "I'll see you sometimes, Jasmine," is all that I have the nerve to say to her, demanding myself to exit the front door, the breath of fresh air slowly bringing me some clarity. I rush down the stairs, into my car, finally subduing my heart rate. 

Throwing my face in my hands, I rub it forcefully, frustrated at the fact that I have allowed myself to proceed this far with her. I am a coward, to say the least, controlled by a force that refuses to let me keep my distance.

Her heart is pristine, although she made a mistake of falling for the wrong guy once upon a time, nothing that had happened to her thus far could be comprehended as fair. Her past impairs me, making me want to reverse time, giving her back all those years of love that she so much deserves. She needs me to stop her from choosing the wrong guy again, because I am anything but right for her.

She is entitled to so much more, so much more than me. I have to leave her alone, because I have nothing to offer her, only disappointment and woe. Stay away from her Taylor. If you care about her, stay away from her.