"Why don't you believe in God?"
Because when I was 5 years old I prayed over and over again for my babysitter to stop doing the things he'd done every Saturday evening.
Because when I was 6 I prayed for my brother to stop playing those weird games with my sister and I, it never felt right. But maybe it was normal?
Because when I was 6 I prayed endlessly for my heart to stop making me stop breathing and to stop making mommy and daddy so mad to spend money on it.
Because when I was 8 I prayed for my parents to stop fighting.
I prayed at the hospital for my mom to wake up, for them to let them see my sister.
Because when I was 11 I prayed to be sent to a good foster home.
Because when I was 14 I prayed to stop being sexually assaulted and for every foster parent I had to stop physically, mentally, and emotionally abusing me.
Because when I was 16 I prayed for you to take me out of my misery.
I prayed for you to make the love of my life happy.
I prayed for you to make him stop beating my face because you had to of known I promised my girlfriend I wouldn't hit back.
I prayed for the addiction to ease, the nightmares to stop, the aches to calm, the hallucinations to leave.
I prayed for peace.
I prayed for death.
I prayed for anything that could help.
