08/20/2022
August 17, 2022 I ended things, on my terms. For the past 6 months, we have been going back and forth, back and forth. To be honest I can't even count the times we ended and got back together in those 6 months. To whoever is reading this, it was toxic. We ended things, a month later he crawled his way back to me, I took him in. If you love someone you always let them back in. Yet, here I am, after many attempts of letting him come back and leave, I finally put my foot down to end the relationship. I ended the cycle.
Like I said before, if you love someone you let them back in. But, if you love someone enough you also come to the realization that nothing with this person will work out. Not now at least.
When G would come back the first day was a fairytale. He gave me attention. He loved on me. He complimented me. He acted as if he still cared. But, after that first day it was back to how he was before. If he needed something, he was sweet...innocent...perfect. Yet, as soon as I gave him what he wanted at the time, it was back to the asshole person that I didn't know he could be.
Granted, the breakup that started this six months ago is my fault. I told him to leave. G would do this thing where he would say, "we need to talk Erika", and the same outcome came every time; breaking up. So, that night when he did this, I was done. I had a bad day. I told him to leave. I yelled at him. I told him to get his shit and get out. That day I fucked up. Does my one fuck up give me my karma? The karma being the past six months of G coming back, pretending to love me for a week (sometimes 3), and then leave? Because he wasn't ready?
I wish I knew what about me was the problem. I think one this subject a lot, because if I can fix whatever is wrong with me, I can find someone else or I can get him back.
I promised to myself that I would not go back. I would try to not go back.
I can't do that again.
Not today.
Not tomorrow.
I have to continue to act like I don't care about him anymore.
-Erika
