Learning To Fall

Chapter One

Home used to be home enough.

Maya had become accustomed to her mother never being around, too busy working hours round just to get enough money to keep a roof over their heads. She was accustomed to her grandmother, who was too busy watching television to really pay attention to her granddaughter, who when she wasn't at school or with Riley, was the old woman's only true company. She was accustomed to the sweet melodic sound of lonely lonely silence.

Depending on what kind of day it was, Maya's moods could easily melt into this melodic silence. She could either, or often, be happy and appreciative about it after just too much sounds of the Middle School students have rung in her ears. It was the kind of melodic silence that was melodic enough to make her collapse in a peaceful sleep after a nice relaxing shower and her hair was pulled back in those two tight braids that kept her hair in it's natural ringlets that were easier to handle in the morning. Then she would go through a wardrobe of clothes that were either strewn across her floor or hung up in the closet It depended. If she eventually grew tired of not being able to see her floor or if she grew annoyed at her unmade bed, her clothes would be in the closet, but she didn't really have to worry about her mother telling her to do this or that because when Katy managed to come home, she was almost way too tired to dress into night clothes so Maya was the one who had to encourage herself to do the littlest of things.

The happiness of this silence, was much rather rare.

Most of the time when Maya grew to this silence, instead of a light subtle sound that was supposed to relax you, it was almost as if it was there to mock her, the loneliness that was very much real. The ache of things she missed or was missing. The ache of the past, of everything she did wrong, of everything she did not do. Eventually, it turned into a bunch of nothing until it was so loud it tuned everything out and there was nothing to lull her to sleep but the crashing waves of her own tears and choking sobs. Loud enough to knock out the distant sounds of her grandmother's comedic black and white movies and shows and loud enough to knock out the sounds of cars roaring by, erupting laughing, and whatever events that were taking place right outside her window. And sometimes the emotions were enough to threaten her eyesight and and any color that didn't have any reflection of her emotions would gain her closer to a mental breakdown. So eventually, it'd lead her to face the wall.

Maya was the girl who was known to face tough situations. She was known for being that strong girl for Riley, to comfort her and bring her to trouble so the girl can break them out. But when she got to home, that's where she was attacked by her true self, or at least that's what her conscious led her to believe and when she looked at that wall, so empty, so hollow, eyes streaming with tears, she couldn't help but think that no other object could describe her any better.

But tonight, the feeling was new.

It was a mixture of being appreciative of that silence and also, a bit sad about it. Happy, because she could be alone, stare at her ceiling and reminisce a kiss that she long had dreamed about since the older boy walked in Christmas day, looking as gorgeous as ever and told her that she looked gorgeous. That she grew up gorgeous, sending that beginning flare inside of her chest that was now extremely incomparable.

Then, she witnessed the familiar feeling of loneliness. The feeling that often captured her soul every night that she was alone. But it wasn't exactly that same loneliness where she ached profusely and felt nothing. She ached, yes, and she longed. She craved. She craved for more of what Josh was made of, the continuous feeling of needy kisses, and physical contact, skin on skin. The images that struck her, images of her and a boy going beyond their boundaries, both scared her and excited her. Scared might have been a bit of an overstatement because then again she wasn't scared, nor was she guilty. As long as it stayed caged in her mind, she was sure she'd be okay, though she couldn't help but wonder if Josh ever let himself think of the exact same thing and fell into a fitful sleep at the thought of her beside him.