Why I Chose To Come Back

Coming Back and Changing Perspective

Last time I was on Wattpad I wasn't in the right mindset, mainly because I was angry a lot and took that anger out on my friends. Expecially one friend. Since then I went on a hiatus since I didn't like the slow progress of how my stories were not spreading fast enough, and that my friend was more popular as the writer with stories. Now I am back, and I changed that perspective from focusing on how many people would read it to just focusing on completing the story. As it turns out, seeing as no one reads a story even after so many uploads, it can get hard to feel encouraged to continue.

Like I said in the beginning, I had anger issues, and that hurt friendships and destroyed blossoming ones. I have received forgiveness from my closest friend, but I have hurt feelings of people I may never get in touch again. Due to that I have not forgiven myself even though people tell me I need to, I haven't felt like I deserved my own forgiveness. I wanted to look back as see growth from who I was and who I will be as a Christian, and if I see enough maybe then I will find the reason to forgive. In order to do that, though, I decided to start on Wattpad one more time and give it another go.

Know how people always say that you can see growth through writing and art? I've seen that with my art already, but I wanted to see that happen through my writing. Not only that, but I wanted to see my self growth through my writing. While Voices of Fia does not show anything, I wanted to put a piece of myself in each story I make as a way of reminding myself this is where I am, this is how much I've grown, this is where I need to be. If I want to look back and see a reason for forgiveness, than what better than seeing multiple stories fill my Wattpad page? Of course, that was the only thing I needed to change when uploading parts of Voices of Fia. And that little monster snuck up fast.

One little problem about uploading stories as a newcomer or a returnee is that chances are stories you make will not get off the ground running. Some do and that's really invigorating. The problem with uploading Voices of Fia is that, while it was finished as all I was doing is uploaded the story day by day, the further I got to being done the more I wanted to stop because of one thing: there were no views. Now, as I mentioned in the beginning, the problem I had was I was more concerned about getting people to read my stories than I did creating them, which is not great. So one not I chose to have conversation with myself (yes I tend to have one sided conversations) and reached a conclusion: I will no longer post for views or comments, but I will post my stories to show myself how much I completed. That helped me a lot, and it gave me the boost needed to create the other posts I've made the same day I am writing this.

Now, with that being said, when I did notice how my views of Voices of Fia went from 2 to 11 by the time I got the submissions post uploaded, that made me really happy. Expecially since this was the right sign from God to tell that I am doing the right thing. So thank you for those who took the time to read Voices of Fia, I really hope you enjoyed it!

Now to get to point of the reasons why I decided to write this post in the first place. The first one was to come clean to anyone who followed me or reads my stories, because I felt wrong with hiding things that feel down I know should no longer be hidden. Because the more I share it the more I can overcome it, and that was a needed wake up call. When I was ind that dark period of my life, I chose a time to become vulnerable to a friend, and since I have had a history of arguments with them I was shut down completely. That made me not want to be vulnerable ever again, and I tried changing myself without sharing. The problem with that is all I was doing was covering a blanket over those emotions and the past, and because of that the blanket can easily just come right off. I felt like I was doing the same when uploading to Wattpad, so this is me coming clean to you all and to apologize for trying to put on a mask.

My second reason why I mad this post is because I am beginning to see chances of friends and writers I have kept in check with through writing disappear from Wattpad around the same time. While I know the older you grow the busier you get, I also no the feeling of frustration when you see an unfinished story either from me or someone else. I also know the feeling of satisfaction of finishing a story even though not a soul might read it. And so I wanted to say this: DON'T GIVE UP. I don't know who the majority of you are but as a fellow writer I am giving a plead. Please do not give up on your stories. I know finding the strength to write a story is hard, and our likes of subjects might change, but the nagging feeling of not finishing something will always be there. If you are struggling with finding strength to write, then perhaps do as I did and change your perspective or add something. And if you are still in the process of laying out a timeline, and that is where you have dropped it, just stop planing and write. Even if it is bad, just getting something written and finished is an accomplishment, to me at least. While it sounds like a lot, you can go back and edit things around later. Just zone out and let your characters of your stories speak to you. If you stopped writing because you changed subjects from mystery to fantasy or vise versa, etc, then add a new element to your story. Liked the Hardy boys but now hyper fixated on Ace Attorney? Combine the two. Lawyers working alongside detectives sounds pretty cool to me, even if it might be a later editing to a decaying story. I hope this helps those who are struggling, and I hope you all will be patient as I figure out my next story to post since I don't know if I am ready to begin writing a story I have been working of for eons. Then again, you never know until you lay you first word down. Cya!

Em.J. Watkins