Nowhere In Particular // H.S.

Thirty-Three: Stubborn Love

Maybe it was a little naïve and overly optimistic of me to assume everything would go back to normal. But I'm a little naïve and overly optimistic at times, that's just who I am.

It isn't because I look at the world through innocent eyes. I'm more than aware of the things that happen in this world, or even more simply my world that are enough to dampen any of the optimism within me. I'm realistic too. It's just that this usually doesn't apply to Harry and me. With him I feel like I'm in this little bubble of happiness and sunshine.

That bubble popped though, burst right in front of my eyes.

The thing is, it isn't even something an onlooker would be able to notice. It's not like we're fighting, or avoiding each other. It isn't really anything between us at all. There's a change in Harry though, one that I'm sure I can only see. The way he looks at things or the way he laughs. It isn't the same as it was when I first met him. It isn't even the same as it was two days ago.

It scares me if I'm being honest. I feel like he's slowly slipping away and no matter how much I try to grab his hand to pull him back up, no matter how much he tries to hold on, he's still sliding down hill.

He pretends it isn't happening, something I've found he does a little too often. He pretends to smile, pretends to be excited, he pretends that he isn't on the verge of a mental breakdown, which has to be hard considering how much he's been stuck in his head. He won't admit it. He won't tell me he's feeling down or that something happened in that phone call I only got bits and pieces of.

Every once in a while I get a real burst of laughter out of him, a warm hug that is only coming from a place of love, or a smile where his eyes sparkle. We still joke. We still do everything we normally do. Only now when there is that moment of quietness, when we aren't having random conversations, he's blank. Stuck.

I thought maybe it'd be fine the morning after his conversation over the phone. He woke up with the mischievous look I've become familiar with, kissing me all over, rocking his hips into me, giggling as we rolled around in bed. Moments like this quickly became a habit after my birthday, getting better and better each time. Once we both caught our breath though, him kissing my forehead and saying he loved me, his face went blank again, returning to the position from the night before where he was holding on to me like he needed more than I could give him.

"I want a puppy," Harry says randomly, walking next to me on the sidewalk.

We just got off at the bus stop, deciding to call this town home for the night. So now we're on the search for a hotel to stay at or a restaurant to get something to eat. Really it's whatever comes first.

"What?" I turn my head, looking up at him with confused eyes.

"Yeah," he nods, a smile barely on his face. "Something to take care of."

"Why don't we start off with something a little less demanding," I let out a laugh, imagining Harry struggle to train a little puppy. "Maybe like a plant or something? Or a cactus... yeah, it'd take a lot to kill a cactus."

"Do you not trust me?" Harry's eyes widen, smiling too, clearly amused by my attempts to steer him away from his puppy dreams.

"I do," I nod at him. "Just feel like you should go in steps with this. You know, cactus first, flower next, a fish of sorts... then maybe a puppy."

"Would you get a cactus with me, Greta?"

His eyes are looking in mine again, hopeful and blinking slowly. It's almost like whatever my answer is going to be has a lot more significance to him than the simple question it is. I don't even hesitate to answer him though because I know exactly how I feel about it.