Addicted to Her Pain

Chapter Two

I sat in my favorite armchair, a knitted blanket wrapped around my bare legs as I flipped through the pages of new book. I always felt like Belle from beauty and the beast when I sat in this library, Held captive here much like she was. 

Although I doubted beast had been into bondage, the image of Belle with a ball gag in her mouth brought a smile to my face. It was a ridiculous notion but maybe...

I was positioned right in front of the floor to ceiling window, staring out at the ocean as the wind tossed the waves higher than normal, a small scattering of rain drops hitting the glass. I didn't know exactly where this house was but I knew it was in California, somewhere closer to San Fransisco. The license plates on all of Xavier's cars read CA, and it was too cold with too much fog to be closer to LA. 

I leaned my head back and sipped my coffee, worried as it burned the tip of my tongue slightly. Ouch. 

I set my cup down and pulled the blankets off, glancing at the clock, he would be home soon and my peaceful day would be ruined. 

I carried my book with me into the empty kitchen, I loved to cook but hadn't found the energy while I'd been trapped here. It just reminded me of my old life, before he took me. I loved to bake, and despite the early hours when I would have to come in to the small bakery at 4am, it had brought me so much joy. 

I would begin to make the pastries for the day, many cups of coffee getting me through till the time we opened, sunlight streaming through the windows, cascading over the many plants covering every inch of space available. The bakery always smelled like cinnamon and espresso, a smell I wished for when I opened my eyes each morning.

I grasped the counter with my hands, my knuckles turning white. 

I swallowed the lump that had appeared in my throat and pushing my self onto the counter, I climbed up so I could reach the door above the fridge. Xavier could reach up here easily but my 5'1 height told me otherwise. 

I opened the cabinet, stretching my arm inside hoping to find...

Triumphantly I brought the half empty bottle of tequila out, My stupid bunny didn't think I would remember this was in here. 

I loved how annoyed he got when I called him that, such a cute nickname for a very dangerous man. I did love to antagonize him, but only to an extent. I had learned how he treated me if I egged him on too much, but I had never been close to death by his hand, which did give me a sense of comfort. 

I drank straight from the bottle, the liquor burning my throat and making my stomach warm. This would be worth the punishment. I was rarely allowed to drink unless it was a couple glasses of wine at dinner but even that was rare. He had made sure I was eating properly too, after I threw a tantrum in the beginning and refused to eat until they had knocked me out and stuck me with an IV and force fed me so much medication I couldn't think. 

I sat on the counter, taking sips of the liquor, my eyes catching the light coming through the window, I wasn't entirely sure when he would be home I just knew it was soon, but fuck it. 

I jumped down and shuffled over to the cabinets, opening one after another till I had found everything I was looking for. I was craving cookies and knowing his diet, Xavier definitely wouldn't have any, but thankfully he did have the ingredients to make them. 

"Two cups flour" I muttered, measuring from memory into a mixing bowl, taking sips of tequila in-between, my lips beginning to tingle. Fuck I had missed this feeling. I grabbed my phone, well it wasn't really a phone since I couldn't call, couldn't text, and couldn't download apps, but I could listen to music. I found the song I had been humming and pressed play, twirling around as I began to feel the effects of the alcohol. 

My sock covered feet slid over the wood floors, my long t-shirt covering my tight boxer shorts, all I needed was one of Xaviers dress shirts and I would look like Tom Cruise in Risky Business. I grabbed a whisk and began to mix everything together, spooning out table spoons onto the pans before opening the oven. A hot draft of air greeted me and I slid them inside, shutting the door and turning around and almost jumping a foot in the air when I came face to face with Xavier. Well, it was more my face to his chest, his eyes looking down at my disapprovingly. 

"Are you baking?" his face stayed frozen in confusion, as he took in the mess I had made in the kitchen. The flour bag that I had accidentally knocked over, the chocolate chips that had landed on the floor and the measuring cups I had yet to wash. He grabbed my phone and turned the volume down. What a bitch.

I crossed my arms, okay Nem, don't slur your words, he can't know we are too drunk. 

"Yes, why?" my words coming out so perfectly I wanted to pat myself on the back.

He put a hand to my cheek as a smile crept over his expression "You are drunk babygirl," his thumb rubbed my cheek and I leaned into the calming touch. 

I tried to make a face "you were gone too long and I got bored."

"Did you?" his voice darkens, his hand tightening around my throat "I can definitely entertain you hon, you weren't supposed to be drinking this stuff though."

I pushed forward into his hand "and why not Xavier?" I ran my hand down his chest "you up for making my happy? Because tequila was doing a very good job."

He pushed me back were I stood, his dark gaze wondering over me, I felt a twist in my stomach, the muscles clenching in my lower abdomen. 

"Don't fight me Nem" his voice was soft, his lips brushing against my ear. 

I ran my hand down over the bulge in his jeans "oh yeah? what are you going to do about it." My lips stayed against his neck while I spoke, feeling the goosebumps that appeared in wake of my breath. 

"Fuck" he pushed me to the ground, his legs straddling my hips, pushing my head hard into the wood flooring. God he was hot, his muscular arms holding me in place, his hard cock grinding against my hips, I wanted him so bad but I knew it was more fun to play with him. Antagonizing him was my only enjoyment in being held captive. 

"Bunny" I bit my lip and tapped him shoulder, his body still pinning me to the ground "I've got to  make sure my cookies aren't burning."

I felt the sting before I registered the hit, his hand connecting with my cheek, the force knocking my head sideways. 

I felt the burn of the slap, the tears coming but remaining in my eyes, years of practice stopped them from falling. 

Still disoriented, I felt my body lifted up, his lips kissing my cheek, holding my body against him. "don't tease me babygirl" he growled, his face coming back into focus "you know exactly what that means."

I'd gone too far, I knew it. As long as I played along I was safe, I didn't get hit and I didn't get in trouble. 

I leaned against the counter as he grabbed a shot glass, pouring the liquor to the rim and downing it in one gulp. 

He opened the oven and took out the trays, the smell of fresh baked sweets drifting into the air. He placed them down and turned back to me, grabbing my waists and lifting me onto the counter. 

"Nem..." his voice broke slightly, his eyes reflecting remorse, regret. 

I shook my head "forget about it Bunny, you can't hurt me too much remember?"

Just move on 

One day I'll be free and won't have to play his games, but until then I play along.

He ran his hand along my cheek, he was my comfort. I hated to admit that but I was so used to his presence, his touch, I felt starved if I didn't see him. I craved the pain he gave me, the control he had but most of all I hated how I craved him. 

I needed him as much as I hated him.