It felt like it was constantly raining. And maybe that's just London for you, but Johanna swore that 24/7 lately, it was raining. Initially this didn't bother her, she would sleep peacefully through the night, unaware how dark everything was when sheets of water kept falling from the sky. Ever since Morpheus removed Astra from her dreams, she felt better rested and lighter when she was awake. It's a miracle what a clear conscience can do for you.
Then the nightmares started again. Most nights, it was of home when she was a child. Her mother had died early on, and her father could never accept it so he turned to violence. And that didn't end well for Johanna and her brother. The dreams encapsulated the worst parts.
The pain, the crying, and the bruises after when her and Cal would cling to each other praying he would stop. The first time it had occurred, she woke up to thunder outside and water on her cheeks. Her first thought was 'is there a leak in my roof?' before realizing she was crying.
At first, she blamed Morpheus because she thought her sleep was void of any danger. But she quickly realized the conscience was a thing of its own creation, and her's was out to get her. Eventually she resorted to just not sleeping, or sleeping as little as possible. And that worked for a while, she was used to pulling all nighters, but eventually it started to show, and it concerned Ric.
Ric and Johanna were at a pub one night. Ric had been droning on about their latest demon bust, and had started to move on to their next job when she noticed Johanna dozing with a drink in one hand and her head in another.
"Johanna!"
She startled awake, "Sorry, uhm what?"
Ric sighed, "You need to get sleep. I've tried to avoid it because you've been able to do your job, but one slip up and we're all fucked. Go home and go to bed."
"I wish I could. But I can't, I have these nightmares that keep me awake anyways."
"What do you dream about?"
Johanna bit her lip while contemplating how to answer Ric. She didn't feel comfortable sharing that part of her past, so in the end she just decided to avoid it all together.
"It doesn't matter. You're right, I need sleep. I'm gonna go home."
"Okay."
Johanna walked as slowly as possible from the pub. She relished the cold and the shot of adrenaline it released into her system. About halfway she found Hettie sitting on a bench with and umbrella, watching cars drive by.
"Hettie it's quite late, what are you doing out here."
"Waitin for you, Ms Johanna."
"Really?"
"Y'know if you called 'em he'd be able to fix your problem."
Johanna crinkled her eyebrows, "What are you on about Hettie?"
"The Sandman."
Johanna scoffed, "Even if I wanted to, I don't know how to call him."
Hettie reached into her pocket and produced a folded paper. Slowly streched her arm towards Johanna. Hesitant, she took it from the old lady and inspected the outside.
"Burn it and he'll come."
"What?"
"Aye, just light it on fire and he'll fix your problems."
"Hettie I-"
She turned and the old lady was gone. God she must be tired and hallucinating things, but the paper was still in her hand. So, the old lady was there. Johanna started walking before it hit her; How had Hettie even known she had trouble sleeping.
She got home and set the paper down on the mess of books that covered her desk. Then she went to her bathroom, stripped out of her now soaked clothes and took a hot shower. She contemplated what she should do next. Calling Morpheus was in no way her top priority. It's not that she didn't want to see him, between you and her dreams of him filled the gaps between the nightmares, but would he even want to see her?
Then she thought of her work, and of Astra and how that one slight slip up cost her everything. Plus, getting rid of these nightmares sat way higher on the want list than the one of Astra. At least Astra gave her a reason to get up everyday, her father just made her feel small.
She turned off the water and put some comfortable clothes on, then walked back to her desk where the paper was. She picked it up and considered it, then she slowly opened the paper. Morpheus was scrawled on the inside.
"Hettie how on earth is burning this going to bring him here?"
Nevertheless she dug through her drawer until she found a lighter, then she walked over to her kitchen and grabbed a pot. She set a corner of it on fire and dropped it in the pot before watching it burn and watching the ashes as they... dropped through the bottom? But no there was no hole in her pot and as well her stove was clear. She wasn't sure how all this Endless stuff worked, but she figured it was working. So she sighed and decided to go to bed. If anything, to give Morpheus and extra area to find her.
Tonight's dream was the worst one she'd had. Still her father attacking them, but what's worse is after it was over, he came back in and dragged Cal away. Johanna screamed but he kept walking, so she got up and tried to run after. He saw her coming and pushed her away, hard enough where she fell back and hit her head. She rubbed the spot and her hand came away red. But she could worry about that later. She got back up and tried to follow, but her dad locked the door and she was forced to watch from the outside as Cal got yelled at, and then hit, and then she watched her dad walk back toward the house, and Cal struggled to get back up.
She woke up, crying again, and with a massive headache. And this time she simply gave in to the tears. She sat up, drew her knees in, and sobbed. If he didn't get here soon she didn't know what she would do. She thought she had buried these memories down deep, why were they coming back now?
She didn't hear him appear, more like felt his presence, and when she looked up she was surprised all the same. She let out a hoarse chuckle.
"Well fuck, you came."
"Of course I did. You called."
"Does that actually mean anything?"
"To me it does."
He walked over and sat on the couch. She walked over to join him.
"What's wrong?"
"Nightmares. But on repeat and I can't sleep because of it."
"More memories?"
"Painful ones."
He reached over to wipe a tear from her face, and it surprised her. Mainly because he was not an overly affectionate person, but as well his hand was warm, rather than the cold she now realized she envisioned them to be.
"There. You should be able to sleep."
"And what if other nightmares wiggle their way through?"
"If they are so bad you cannot even bare to close your eyes as this one was, call me again and again until you're left with the dreams you can handle."
"And that's not going to bother you?"
"You never bother me Johanna."
She scoffed, "That's a lie."
He smiled softly, "From now on, you won't bother me."
"Don't make promises you can't keep."
"Go to sleep."
She paused staring at him. Tracing his face in her mind, and letting his presence calm her. Finally she looked back at his eyes.
"Thank you." she said softly.
"Always."
He got up and then he was gone. Just as quietly as he had appeared. She leaned back and closed her eyes. The apartment smelled faintly of saltwater and sand and she smiled knowing she'd sleep wonderfully tonight.
~~~~~~~~~~
Y'all I'm going to be honest: I don't know how long this book will be. I might add to it every once in a while but it will not be consistent. Enjoy!
