Chapter 2
Marlies POV
So this was the moment, which will let his ideal world break down.
"I need you! Or no, actually the kids need you!" I said, whilst my eyes fullfilled with tears. Louis also seemed taken emotionally.
"Marlie before you continue talking, I want you to know that I made a mistake! I shouldn't have let you down. It was just too much for me, but I shouldn't have left you. I thought many times about visiting you, but I had given you a promise and that's the only reason I've never showed up, but believe me: On every birthday and Easter, I have always thought about our children. I've never forgotten them! My respect to you, for what you have done, is enormous! "
His words were sincere, which gave me hope. Maybe he was now ready to be a father.
"Thank you", I hint emotional.
"Now tell me! Why are you fucked up? Why are you here?"
I took a deep breath, at least as deep as I could with my gnawed lungs. I was aware that my next words will hit Louis like a slap in the face.
"I have cancer. In the final stage. I have maybe three months left , with a bit luck maybe half a year. Certainly I won't stay alive more than one year."
Louis struck with horror his hands over his mouth. His eyes were wide open. I knew this reaction to the news of my death, but I would never get used to it.
"What?" he whispered, barely audible.
"Yes, it's tough. The main problem is that I have no one to take care of Emma and Alex after my death . Neither my parents, nor my friends can do that. This is where you come in. I know that I promised you that you won't hear from us ever again, but who thought that I will die initially twentys in fault of lung cancer? The reason I'm here is that I want to ask you to take care of our children after my death , I want to die with the conscience that my children are well protected. You are my last hope! "
The last words came out of my mouth only whimpering . I could hardly believe that I just stood before him and begged him almost pitifully fulfill its obligations as a father, from whom I had rescued him actually four years ago. I was really sorry for this. He sat there like a small heap of misery. Completely overwhelmed with the information that I just told him. I knew it was not fair from me. Who wouldn't fulfill a dying person it last wish ?
"You're really going to die?" He sobbed, while a tear after another dripping from his chin.
I nodded in silence.
Suddenly he wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tightly. He began to weep bitterly. It was such a heart-rending cry, I couldn't hold back my tears anymore. We remained for several minutes entwined and howled. It was so absurd, but sometimes the feelings just went by with you and then you were glad when someone holds you.
"It's okay," I tried to calm him down, when I started to catch myself slowly again.
"I'm sorry," he whimpered.
"It's okay."
"I can not believe that someone, as young as you, has to die . That's not fair! "
"I know!"
No one could believe it! No one expects to die so young, but the truth was that every day countless people where in the same position like me. Every day young people were simply taken out of life. Whether it's a car accident, a crime or an illness like I had. At least I had the chance to say goodbye and I'm able to settel some rules.
"Did you hear, why am I here?" I asked him, as he had not yet commented on my concerns.
"You want me to take care of the children?" He repeated to make sure that he understood me correctly.
"Yes, I know you never wanted this and that they don't fit in your life, but they have no one else."
He nodded absently. I could see his inner conflict in his eyes. He didn't want to let me down, but we both knew that it could mean for him the career-out. You couldn't take children on a world tour, and certainly not when they were required to attend school. Media would pounce on him and the kids. And in addition to the famous life problems right now he would get daily problems. Children are a gift, but they cost damn much nerves. Sometimes they can do really stupid things or they get sick, they come in the buck phase or keep you awake all night, because they have nightmares. This is a full time job, especially with two children. To complicate matters further for Louis is that he has a girlfriend. I was pretty sure that she didn't know about the children. His relationship could break. Which 20-year-old woman would like to take care of the children of another woman?
"I will take care of them," he announced with a striking resolute tone. His posture was once again self-confident, but his eyes were still swollen and red with weeping.
"No, Louis!" I interrupted him before he could continue. "I want you to thinking about this! Such a thing can't be decided within a few seconds. There are may factors you don't know at the moment. Sleep a night or two about it and then tell me your decision. It would mean everything to me, if you decide yourself for them, but one thing you should know: Don't do this out of compulsion! If you choose the children, then with all your heart! This is a life decision! I hope you're aware of this? It will change everything! "
I spoke from experience. Once I became a mother, nothing was like how it used to be. No parties, no boys. I even managed hardly to arrange my time with friends.
"Okay," he agreed. "I'll call you when I'm ready."
"Good."
Louis looked thoughtfully out of the window. Then he turned around to me.
"Can I see a photo, perhaps?" He asked, looking almost as if he had to take all his courage together .
I was prepared for this question, and pulled out two photos from my pocket. He never seen them before. Before Emma and Alex were born, he had made himself more or less out of the dust. On the first picture, they were about one year old. Emma had an oversized bow in her hair, while Alex had a too big baseball cap sitting on his head. I gave it to Louis, who laughed shortly and he was proud of them and his eyes got watery. Then I gave him the second photo. It was a current one. Both were smiling warmly into the camera. The photo was shot the day before my diagnosis. At this time the world was still in rank.
"They have your eyes," he said, and added a "luckily".
"Maybe, but Alex definitely has your grin and Emma has your temper."
I could watch Louis for hours, as he looked at the pictures. He would be the best father in the world for sure. I was certain about this. If Louis would be there for them, I could die reassured.
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