peace [bucky barnes]

4

"So, Benjamin, how has this week been for you since we last spoke?"

Eden was sat upright and fully attentive in her chair, notebook in her lap and a pen clutched between her fingers, her gaze settled on the young boy in front of her. He was playing with a stress toy, a foam rabbit that Eden kept on her desk for clients to fidget with when they felt uncomfortable, his eyes cast to the floor. His sandy blonde hair fell into them, leg bouncing up and down with nerves as he shook his head, a bitter smile crossing his soft features.

"I've been better, to be honest, Dr Williams." His voice was hoarse, skin pale as he looked up at her, grey eyes outlined by dark circles.

He had come leaps and bounds since his first session a couple of months ago, barely even speaking to her for the first few, his eyes glued to the floor the entire time. With a lot of patience, and trust, Eden had gotten him to the point where he felt a lot more comfortable expressing himself, and even felt relieved after he had someone to vent to. They had come a long way, but he still had far to go, his anxiety debilitating him to the point where he couldn't leave his house most days. She was very proud of the relationship they'd cultivated, his growing trust in her being the most important thing to her during the whole process so far.

She frowned, leaning forward in her chair, maintaining his eye contact. "You know you can call me Eden, Benjamin, as long as you're comfortable with that. And why do you say you've been better?"

Benjamin paused, the toy stilling in his lap, his knuckles white as he gripped it tighter. Eden allowed him to collect himself, welcoming silence as she knew sometimes he needed time to put his thoughts together. She was extremely patient and tuned in to each patient's body language, trying to learn how they expressed themselves without words; it was something she hadn't been afforded in her past experiences of therapy, and now an essential aspect of her process that her clients seemed to appreciate.

"I thought... I thought that I was getting better, or at least starting to. Then this weekend I had another panic attack, multiple actually, and it just..." He tailed off, glancing behind her at the decorated walls with a sigh.

The bland walls that the building provided did not match how she wanted to run her sessions; she made sure they were fully decorated with colourful infographics and positive quotes, alongside some calming landscape pictures, just to add a more homely feel and give her clients somewhere to look if they needed to. She also had beanbags and cushions piled in a corner, along with folded blankets, in case they needed to be more relaxed or to make their conversation feel less formal. Despite her lack of long-term experience in the job, Eden did all that she could to make her clients comfortable, working with client feedback or other therapist recommendations to cover all possible bases.

Benjamin swallowed, closing his eyes as he tried to find the right words. "It just completely knocked me. I was so close to cancelling on you today, and I had a panic attack before I left. I'm not sure how I made it here."

Eden nodded in understanding, ignoring the twinge her heart gave at his defeated demeanour; he had been so positive last week, leaving with a bounce in his step, so it was difficult to see him withdrawing back into his shell once more. She tried not to get too emotionally involved, but it was hard not to when clients shared so much of their personal lives with you, their inner thoughts and feelings that tormented them and that they felt they couldn't share with others. She felt lucky that he trusted her to that extent, especially given his reserved nature in their first encounter with each other.

"The point is, Benjamin, you made it here. Despite how hard and scary it was, you got up and you made it here," she emphasised, offering him a kind smile as he stared at her with wide eyes, gnawing on his bottom lip. "You a couple of months ago wouldn't have dreamed you'd be able to do that. That is amazing progress, in my eyes."