saige | t.lupin

everything

"You sure you're gonna be okay?"

Despite Teddy's protests, Saige had decided to stay at Hogwarts for the Christmas holiday. She needed time to think, time by herself. While she adored Teddy, his constant doting on her was becoming overwhelming. Maybe the two weeks apart would be good for her. She had so much to think about now that her family had cut her off. 

"I'm sure."

The couple stood outside the train, smoke billowing into the cold winter air. Teddy held both her hands in his, pulling her body close to his, as if he would let go and she would run away.

"You should go," Saige said quietly, looking up at him with her doe eyes.

"I'll write to you when I get home, yeah?"

Saige simply nodded once in response. Giving her one last look, Teddy kissed her quickly before dropping her hands and boarding the train. Once finally out of sight, Saige finally turned to make the walk back to the castle. Her hot breath steamed into the cold air as she trudged through the snow. 

"What is always in front of you, but you still can't see it?"

"The future," Saige sighed as the bronze owl allowed her into the Ravenclaw common room. Choosing to ignore the rather relevant riddle, she took off her scarf before collapsing onto the soft blue couch. The bronze flame flickered in the fireplace before her. 

"I should just throw it in the fire," she whispered to herself. 

The letter had arrived four days ago, cursive writing taunting her like an insult. The same letter that had occupied her every thought since it had dropped on her during breakfast. She wouldn't dare show Teddy, he would be furious that she even opened it. She really shouldn't have opened it, however her Ravenclaw curiosity got the better of her. Picking it up from the table she had earlier discarded it onto, she once again stared at the writing, contemplating if the fire would even take it. 

Saige,

Your father and I have talked about your situation. We have come to the agreement that you may return home, providing that you strictly follow our conditions.

You are no longer to see that boy. If we catch even a strange feeling that you are, you will come straight home and attend muggle schooling.

You must focus on your studies and pursue a career that we deem appropriate for a girl such as yourself.  You will only return home for the summer holiday, in which you will assist your father at his work. 

Furthermore, we will only accomodate you until you turn 18. After such, you are to move out of our home immediately. This will be organised for you. You are to marry a wizard whom we will introduce you to. This has already been arranged should you choose to return home. 

If you agree to these terms, we will allow you to return home in the summer. Do not owl us, we do not want those silly creatures making a mess of the property.  If you do not, we will arrange a time for you to collect your possessions.

Regards,

Grace Stirling. 

"Would you stop reading that stupid letter already?" Alex dropped into seat beside her, snatching the parchment from her hands. "We both know you're not going back, why hold onto the stupid thing?"

Alex had chosen to spend Christmas in the castle with his best friend. After hearing about the unpleasant events that had unfolded, he refused to leave the girl to sulk all alone. After she finally convinced Teddy that she was tired and wanted to go to bed, she immediately sought out the boy, collapsing in his arms and letting out even more painful sobs as she told him the story.Besides, his family wouldn't question it, it just meant he was able to get out of attending the boring holiday parties he was dragged to every year. He loved Saige, he simply couldn't leave her alone in a time like this. 

"Of course I'm not," Saige sighed. "It might just be nice to not be homeless, don't you think?"

"Please, anything is better than going back there," Alex rolled his eyes. "Your little boyfriend has offered countless times to move in with his family. Worse comes to worse you can just stay with me over the summer, you know my parents love you."

This was true after all. Despite her muggle father, Saige's wizarding blood came from a long line of respected family. She was beautiful, smart and an incredible athlete, perfect for their son. Both Saige and Alex knew that his family wanted them to be married, while the two of them couldn't think of anything worse. 

"Yeah, and if I do that we'll have to be married!" she let out.

"Is that such a bad thing?" Alex laughed. "Oh right, you're in love with Lupin, shame."

"Stop teasing me," Saige hit him in the face with a pillow. 

"Fine, fine," he relented against her attack. "Do you really love him?" the conversation suddenly taking a serious tone.

"I think I do," Saige whispered, avoiding eye contact with the boy. 

"You think?"

"I just... I've told him that I love him, which I do. I just can't shake this feeling that something is going to happen. You know my parents, what they do to me. How can I love someone if I've never even known what it feels like?"

"Well, you love me," Alex countered. "Think of it in the same way, just with sex."

"Charming, Alexander," she huffed in response.

"What! It's nothing we haven't done before!" he retorted. 

"You tell Teddy about that and you're dead!" Saige pointed a finger at him threateningly. "You hear that? Dead!"

"Okay, okay. I promise that I won't tell your boyfriend that I fucked his girl-" he tried saying before Saige hit him violently with a pillow again. 

The pair had once been in love, not platonically. Saige always thought thats why they made such good friends, they got all of the confusing chemistry out of the way first, now knowing that their relationship was strictly friendly. It wasn't a secret in particular, everyone knew they were close, just not in that way. Rumours circulated their relationship from the beginning, however the school had since decided that they were just friends, best friends. And the two would never tell anyone of the nature of their relationship. Perhaps the trauma they had both experienced drew them together, the need to feel loved by someone. 

"Don't even joke about that," Saige warned. "You know how upset that would make him. His friends are already suspicious of us, I don't want to make him worry over nothing."

"Of course I won't," Alex replied softly. "I'm glad you're happy, I like seeing you open up to people. He's good for you."

"But what if I'm not good for him?" she asked, her voice almost a whisper. '

"Oh shut up, that boy is utterly entranced by you. He wouldn't even take notice of a room full of veelas if you were there."

"Whatever, I'm going to my dorm," Saige finalised, picking up her discarded letter. 

Her room felt strangely empty without her roommates occupying the space. It was strange not hearing the turning of pages or Victoria's mindless babble. Shoving the letter into the draw of her bedside table, Saige fell onto her bed in a huff. Her mind raced with thoughts, jumbled by school, family, Teddy. Guilt gnawed at her as she anxiously pick at the threads poking out from her blanket. Despite how much she hated the idea, she couldn't help but to consider going back to her parents, accepting their terms and living the life they wanted for her. She knew both Alex and Teddy would be furious if they knew she was even thinking about the matter, but she couldn't help it. All those years of taking the hits, trying so hard in school, would all be for nothing. She tried so hard to please them, to be the best at everything. It was like it had all gone to waste. Was her self worth so dependent on their approval that she would allow them to abuse her and marry her off to a stranger just for their validation? 

Saige forced the thoughts out of her head, standing up to peer out of the window. Snow fell in soft clusters, the heat in the room causing the window to fog. Running her finger delicately along the glass, she mindlessly drew small shapes in an attempt to calm her mind. It was all too much for her. School, family, Alex, Teddy, everything. 

Everything.