Love Game Lost (GirlxGirl)

Chapter 7

[A.N I apologize for the wait. I've been busy lately with work. I hope you enjoy this chapter. More votes and comments means more chapters and faster uploads. Please leave comments. Who knows? Maybe i can use one of ur ideas guys!!]

Shit shit shit shit shit! My heart fluttered, enjoying the kiss a little longer than I should have then I pulled back. I looked around the room and saw people staring. I picked Jenny up and tossed her over my shoulder. I looked at Amanda and Stacey, who were just as stunned as eveyone else, then I turned and walked out as quickly as possible, while Jenny babbled incoherently about our various sexcapes. As I walked into the fresh air with her over my shoulder, realization dawned on me. She loves me. She's never admitted to that before... Then again, we've never really had a moment like earlier. She has never once, told me to stay with her all night, nor has she ever been extremely jealous of any party games I've played. Was this it? Was this a confession? A final decision to stay with me? Did she finally realize that her feelings matched mine?

I put her in the backseat and as I drove, I thought more bout this situaion. I contemplated the outcome full of fear and excitement. Excited that this may be her breaking point and she will no longer deny her feelings for me, yet fearful that it was just the alcohol speaking for her and she would wake up wanting to be just friends again. Should I remind her of this tomorrow or leave it to her to make the first move? Should I take myself home or remain with her for the rest of the evening?

"Deeeeeeee" She slurred my name.

"Yeah Jay" I only ever call her Jay when I'm upset with her or deep in thought.

"Don't be upset. Don't think. I love you. Just stay with me and I will show you." She was sobering up slowly but her words were finally coherent.

I fought myself over and over to say it back but I couldn't find it in me. I knew this all too well. I can't feel for her. I'm naturally as unaffectionate as possible. Now I can't let my love for her show. I'm done tearing myself apart. I know it's the alcohol. She doesn't love me. Maybe I've been too caught up in this emotion. Maybe I don't love her. Maybe it's just lust. Yeah! It's lust. The alcohol of sex and love. I'm not in love...I'm in lust. I don't fear that she'll never love me. I fear that I won't be able to have sex with her again and I'll lose her as a best friend. I looked at her through the rear view mirror to see her nodding to sleep and whispered "If only you could"

I watched her as she slept. She was a mess. Makeup was smeared all over her face and her pillows. She had deep circles around her eyes from throwing up all night. I just sat there deep in thought. Knowing it would be easy to wake her, explain what happened, let her apologize for getting trashed and embarassing me as well as herself and have her take back what she said. I couldn't do it. I couldn't take another blow from her. I'm done letting her tear me to shreds. I am officially withdrawing my feelings for her and becoming what she wants. Just friends with benefits. I got up and walked out the room quietly leaving a note on her side table. Nothing more, nothing less. I locked her front door, got in my car and drove off. I'm going to learn to love Amanda and be happy. I won't put myself through this anymore, I thought as I started my car and drove off. Soon as I got home I fell asleep.

I woke up around noon with nothing but memories of last night. I remembered very vividly what happened last night between me and Stacey, and me and Jenn...How bad I felt about Amanda not being able to have me completely.... AMANDA! I hadn't even checked to see if she got home alright last night. I hadn't even shot her a text. I stuffed my hand in my pocket and realized my phone wasn't there. I must have left it in my car. I grabbed my keys and went to check. I checked the car and everywhere in my house.. Still no phone. I didn't even remember when I had it last during the party. I decided to drive back to Josh's place to help clean up the remains of the party, and hopefully find my phone.

There were drunken teens scattered across his front yard, red cups all over the place and trash in the pool. Beer bottles littered the floor, from the front yard to the house. Clothes were strewn across light fixtures and balisters. This place was TRASHED. As I walked through the house, I spotted a girl with a trashbag in her hand cleaning the backyard. Probably one of Josh's "Night Trophies". I turned around and went upstairs. Less work for me to do. I walked into Josh's room and saw a vacant space next to him, thus explaining the girl cleaning, and I tossed a shirt at him.

"Mmmmhuunmmm" Josh groaned and sat up slowly.

"Bro, get up, let's clean so I can find my phone and let's chill!" I smiled, enjoying his displeasure due to a hangover.

"Your phone....? Amanda stood here sooo we should probably find it like NOW." He knew I NEVER let my phone out of site. He rolled out of bed and put jeans and sandals on.

"Yeah. Must be in one of the rooms. Let's hope I find it before Mandy.." I started grabbing bottles when I heard a toilet flush. I looked out the door, and sure enough Amanda was walking out. Just my luck. I looked at Josh and smiled "Speak of the devil"

I waited til she noticed me and I smiled. Something about her seemed....different. Maybe it was my epiphany about letting Jenny go, maybe it was just her. whatever it was, I think I liked it. I grabbed her hand when she got close, but nothing felt different. I guess I expected too much. You would think, that after letting someone you loved go, things would feel different, but they didn't. It upset me a little, then I realized, she only looked different because she had a t-shirt on. Not a fancy dress or a nice blouse. When had I ever seen her in a Tee? I kept my smile on and ignored the upset feeling I had. Josh and I, with the help of his trophy and Amanda, cleaned up the house. Amanda woke everyone up and got them to leave, making sure everyone was safe to drive and they carpooled. After we cleaned, Josh's trophy left and Amanda took a shower and got dressed. During that time, I frantically looked for my phone. I'd given up. After 7 calls to my phone, I realized it was gone, possibly for good. Amanda came down in her dress from last night and kissed me on the cheek. I said goodbye to Josh and we went home. On the way home, I thought about Jenny. Was she okay? Was my phone in her house? I have to stop these feelings ASAP. As soon as I dropp Amanda off, I'll swing by and check if I left my phone. I snapped out of the thought, and watched Amanda as she filed her nails and took off her nail polish. She's special...but is she for me?