Spies, Lies & Butterflies

just breathe

My heart thudded erratically against my rib cage as I struggled to suck in air.

Just breathe. Just breathe.

The air felt balmy and warm on my exposed skin. I watched our golden hour sun as it hung low in the sky.

Working hard to regulate my breathing, I began my descent towards Nathan's lush garden where he stood with our officiant, Andrea. Having waived my rights to most of the planning, I would later learn that Nathan had selected the song Wanderlust, by Eloise for my romantic trek down to our makeshift altar.

Wanting to quell the butterflies batting their wings in my belly, I focused on the song's lyrics. After only one stanza, I regretted the tactic, as the acoustic poetry had begun to make my eyes sting as a bleeding onion would.

Nathan had hired Andrea as both our officiant and wedding planner. Tasked with making the property wedding-ready, her team had come and gone, leaving in their wake something out of a fairytale. Already impeccably planned and landscaped, Nathan's estate held its own kind of whimsical southern Californian beauty.

A wooden triangular arch outfitted in a vibrant floral arrangement was built to frame our vow exchange.

While chic, I ditched my heels, enjoying the softness of the garden rose petals that stuck to my soles; the "aisle" had been littered with them. The thematic floral scape was a sunset personified. There were color gradients in hues of pink and orange and ivory with bursts of indigo. The sprawling bouquet remained anchored by the bird of paradise resting nestled in the middle. At first glance, I could spot garden roses, poppies, and peonies.

The path outlined the pool which sparkled against the sun, dotted with floating tealight candles that would surely shimmer against the approaching dusk. Having had no real hand in planning the affair, I was both overwhelmed by the sensory experience of it all and by the promise that awaited me. I steadied my breathing in the fashion I'd mastered in combat.

As I drew closer, I detected a hint of a smile on my future husband's lips. Upon closer inspection, I could see my groom swipe an errant tear from the corner of his eye as he bit a quivering bottom lip.

He's both a hero and a sap.

I made my way down the two short flights of stairs that led to the edge of the property which sat mountainside, revealing a robust and panoramic view of both Santa Barbara, and the ocean beyond.

I stood in front of a cheesing Nathan ready to give him all of me.

"You are stunning," Nathan gave me a shit-eating grin.

"As are you," I took him in, delighted to see him in a full-blown tuxedo. He was every bit of James Bond and then some.

I set my bouquet on a small table next to me before Nathan took my hands in his.

With a cursory glance at my feet, his shoulders shook with laughter, "No shoes?"

I giggled nervously, hiding my naked toes beneath the gown's sweeping hem. I was suddenly very grateful for the last-minute pedicure I decided to get.

"I was afraid I'd trip."

Andrea chuckled as well, seeming comfortable as she allowed us to experience one another.

"Andrea, do try to hurry this along. I'm afraid she'll change her mind," he let out a breath that made me wonder if he was serious or joking. We all laughed good-naturedly anyway.

We stared into each other's eyes, the reality of our choices settling in. It was sobering and exhilarating all at once.

Andrea moved through the ceremony seamlessly with both care and dignity. Opting to save our vows to share in private at a later date, the exchange was short and sweet.