Unapologetic Lies

Background: 5

The nurse, my nurse, has never done anything like this before, at least not in front of me.  She held mother’s hands in her own, and guided her out of the hospital room.  From there my nurse asked if I was okay, and if my mother ever tried to abuse me, or perhaps already was doing so.  My nurse was not asking because of what my mother was trying to do, but how I reacted.  In my nurse’s eyes, I had said a lot more than what I remembered.  Apparently I begged my mother, and did this without noticing.   

“Colin, has your mother been abusing you”?

Colin: “No ma’am, she never abuses”.  My voice was shaking, and I had trouble thinking.

                                             “Colin, are you lying to me”?  She knew I was, but what could she do when all I kept doing was lying?

How could anyone not see the signs?  Not only am I being abused at home, but during school hours as well.  Jason was no fun kid to be around.  He would pick at me, yell, and hit.  Mom is the axact same way, she taunts me, belittles me, and then tries to pretend that she loves me, or cares about my life.  At this point my nurse noticed how I didn't reply, still thinking to myself, and trying to find an excuse.  But I didn't have one.  There was nothing, nothing else I could hide or lie about.  Nothing I could change or lighten up the conversation.  All I could do was cry.  Tears, drowning my face, and drenching my hands, and gown.  As every drop fell, my face turned red, and my body had gotten extremely numb.  My eyes gradually turned pink from crying so much, as I sat there for almost an hour, just letting evreything out.  All my emotions were pouring out of me, as if my truama was an open wound, and I began to bleed out.  I could even hear static, that of a broken television in my head, since all my thought went blank.  I couldn't remember all the my nurse said, but I can admit that whatever she told me, all I gave my attention to was her sweet, yet quiet voice.  As she spoke, my tears had stopped, and I could look up to a woman crying right besides me.  Though she wasn't sobbing as much, it was very clear that she felt that my emotions were just as valid as any other human being.  She saw me as a human being.  She saw me for who I was, and didn't make me feel any less for being feeling vulnerable, and crazy.  My nurse even held me, sitting up in the chair beside me, wrapping her arms around my lower neck and back, and hugged me.  The way my emotions took a left turn shocked me.  A wave of laughter came over me, and I laughed for a moment, and then went back to crying all over again.  Everything was a huge mess, I couldn't help but laugh and cry all at once, and truly not understand nothing at all.

Colin: "Please don't let me go".  I was talking outloud, hearing as my voice echoed throughout my mind.

As I continued to mumble, and talk under my breath, a weird familair scent filled the air.  My hospital bed no longer felt as comfortable anymore, and I think my pillow was moved.  My stomach felt empty, and growled as if I were hungry, but that alone didn't make any sense because I remember eating.  I rememberd my nurse standing up for me, against my mother, and then bringing me all my favoriate foods that the hopsital had.  Moving my head, and licking my lips, and they were dehydrated.  I could also smell myself, as if I haven't showers for days, and my hair felt a mess and greasy.

"Colin, wake the hell up already".

I could hear my mother, as if she were talking to me directly.  But how could this happen when my nurse kicked her out.  I felt a faint pinch in the palm of my hand, and then a grip agsint my throat.  My breathing became troublesome, as if I was being chocked.  And then my eyes shot open, seeing my mother on top of me, with her hands tightly pressed around my neck, and then letting go.  I gasped, trying to breath, and aimleslly got up, stumbling towards the rotten walls, and saw that I was never in the hospital, but left unconscious on the floor.  I dreamt of being saved, but that was only my mind trying to keep me sane, as I was asleep on the cold floor, now standing, looking at myself in the shattered mirror.  Mother mentioned how I was asleep for two days, missing school, and then not even washed, or any attempt to wake me.  Once she saw that my mouth was moving, she tried to finish the job, but gave up, since she "wanted me alive".  From then all I could do now was just look at her, scared.