Two Strangers of Brothers

Chapter 3

The rest of the day goes by in a blur, filled with non-stop talking from Andrew and the TV. I don't say much. I don't want to say the wrong thing and hurt them again. So I laugh when needed and try not to stare at them too much. I don't understand why I always catch myself watching them. Maybe it's because I'm not used to being around them yet.

By the time it's dark out and I'm fighting to keep my eyes open. Andrew has mentioned how he's going to sleep in his room about a hundred times and Isaac has glared at him and elbowed him just as much.

I don't realize how tired I am until my head hits the pillow. I didn't get much sleep on the plane, my anxiety keeping me awake as it reminded me of all the bad things that could happen. Like the plane crashing, or falling asleep and not getting off with everyone else and flying to some unknown place. A whole bunch of other stupid things normal people don't have to worry about.

My eyes finally slide shut as I pull the covers tightly around myself.

I blink, trying to make out something in the darkness. The sound of screaming and objects hitting the floor comes from somewhere in the house. Mom's home, and she's angry.

I shift back further into the dark. Most kids my age hate the dark, worried of monsters and boogie men who would kill them in their sleep, but not me. I welcome the dark. In the dark it's hard to see, which means I can hide from Mom. I'm a shadow, and she won't be able to find me. The dark hides me. I'm nothing but a distant memory. I'm safe in the dark.

The sound of the screaming grows closer and I can hear my mom hissing as she talks to herself. A shiver runs through my body as I bite my lip. What if she gets bored of just throwing around pots and pans and wants something else? Something alive. Something that will cry and tell her to stop. She always loves to see us cry. The sound is nearer now, and I know she'll be in the room in a moment.

I draw in a breath as the screaming and throwing suddenly stops. She's coming for us. I can't release the breath from my lungs. I can't breathe. My heart quickens and I feel like I'm trapped in the closet. I'll die here in the dark and no one will find my body because they won't be able to see it.

A hand is suddenly on my shoulder and lips are by my ears. 'Are you okay Jamie?' I turn to Isaac, his green eyes holding a place of safety. I want him to hold me, to make sure I don't wither away and die right here. I shake my head and my lips tremble. I can't breathe, and now I'm choked by tears.

Isaac wipes at my tears. He wants to move closer to me but if he does so he'll have to let go of Andrew. The blonde sports a purple bruise under his eye and I know he needs Isaac more than I do, but I'm selfish. I want him too. Isaac draws his hand away, but I grab it. I feel like I'm dying. He can't leave me. He can't forget me.

He's caught between me and Drew. We both need him and he knows he can't choose between us. He's too young to have to be there for us, always comforting us, and he has no one to comfort him. To take away his troubles.

Andrew begins scooting closer to me. I turn my head to watch him, the clothes brushing my head as I do so. His blue eyes meet mine. He pulls me into his chest and onto his lap. He's shaking like he always does. He rocks me in his arms and I grip his shirt.

'Breathe, Jamie. Breathe.' His voice is soft. He hardly ever talks, so I try hard to listen to his words. 'Just focus on something. Focus on my heart beat.' I do as he says, pressing my ear to his chest, and I listen to the constant beat of his heart. I memorize it. It's like a song. I can breathe again. I won't die as long as I'm with my brothers. The small space keeps us safe.

I feel Isaac wrap his arms around us. He's not trapped anymore. He doesn't have to choose, he can be with both of us.

My eyes shoot open and I sit up in bed clutching my forehead. I'm sweating. I throw the covers off of me and stand up. I remember that. I was five, we were hiding in a closet. It's a memory, one I didn't even know I had. What else was locked up in my head?

I clutch at my heart, still feeling the fear of younger me that was directed towards my mom.

She's not like that anymore, I remind myself. Not since she met Dave, the therapist who got her on the right track. I take a seat on my bed, a heavy breath escaping my mouth. I remembered something about them. About us.

A small smile pulls at my lips. I had brothers once. We were close. So why don't I remember anymore?

I rub my eyes, the early morning light streaming in through the window. I don't remember falling asleep, but I must have. My dream from last night still haunts me. Not in the bad and creepy way, though, because now I have a memory of them.

Throwing my feet over the side of the bed I stand, trudging to the bathroom down the hall. I brush my teeth and run a hand through my hair. I pull on some jeans and a random t-shirt before walking down the stairs. I wonder if anyone's awake. The soft muttering of the TV catches my ears and I head towards the sound.

I enter a large room with a flat screen TV pinned on a wall. Everything is white, the carpet, walls and lamps. Everything except the black couch. That's where Andrew and Isaac lie. Andrew is draped across a shirtless Isaac. Andrew is laughing at something and I assume I missed a joke. My eyes skim over Isaac's bare skin, I can't help but lick my lips as my eyes roam over him.

What am I doing?

I'm just checking out his muscles. Guys do that. Guys do that to their brothers. Besides, I've never seen him without a shirt. I'm allowed to be curious.

I watch through curious eyes as Andrew runs a hand down Isaac's chest, making the dark haired boy shiver. I expect Andrew to pull away after that, maybe he was just joking around with him or something, but he doesn't. Instead he leans up, bringing his face dangerously close to Isaac's. A little too close, even for brothers. His slender fingers push away Isaacs long bangs and the green eyed boy suddenly grips at the blonde's hip.

My eyes widen. What are they doing? I take a step back. Crap, what's going on? I quickly take two steps back. I need to get out of here. My back hits something with a thud and I turn to see I had hit a wall. Crap!

I slowly turn back to the scene I was trying to escape. Blue eyes and green eyes stare at me. I shrink back into the wall.

Andrew's face grows redder by the second as he continues to look at me, and then in a flurry of movement he's off of Isaac.

"Uh, hey! How much did you see? I mean, did you hear anything? It's not what it looks like!" Andrew's mouth moves a mile a minute as he pulls at his hair with one hand, the other doing crazy motions. I can hardly keep up with what he's saying, and his eyes don't rise to meet mine.

"What did you see?" Isaac's strong voice suddenly cuts Andrew off and he pushes up off the couch. His green eyes stare back at me as hard as a rock and I feel scared. He takes long strides towards me and he's in front of me in a matter of seconds. I press back even more into the wall trying to disappear.

"Um... not much. I just came in like two seconds ago and then accidentally ran into the wall." I laugh awkwardly. "Clumsy me." I try to sound as convincing as possible, but I can't meet his powerful gaze. "Why, was something going on?" I force myself to say and raise my eyes from the ground to meet his.

He looks relieved and I'm glad he does. It's better than him looking scary, and I don't want to make him feel uncomfortable in his own house. It's my stupid fault for walking around their house like I own it.

"No, nothing. Go get dressed in your swimming suit. We're going to take you to the lake." He glances over his shoulder at Andrew at the end of his sentence and I take that moment to slide away from the wall and out of the room.

I take the stairs two at a time until I reach my room and close the door.

What were they about to do, kiss? Why did I lie and what exactly did I just see?

Technically, I didn't lie. I had just came in and I didn't really see anything. All I saw was them very close to each other, and that doesn't mean anything. I'm jumping to conclusions by thinking they were going to kiss. Yeah, they weren't, and I didn't see anything. I let out a breath of air and place a palm to my forehead. I finally allow myself to look down at my pants and I slowly unbutton them to relieve myself of the tightness that has started. I bite my lip and look at the wall opposite of me as I dip my hand into my jeans.

I definitely did not witness them about to kiss, and I definitely did not wish I could have.

I'm a terrible person.