My feelings

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Sunny's POV.

I locked myself these days at my home, alone. I cried everyday with no reason. His words stuck on my mind. All his words was true, I never trust him!

If I trusts him, I would believe him but Im not! I'll never believe him!

It is sin to afraid? To fear? To scared? Im just protecting myself! I dont want to hurt all over again!

I knew him! He's jerk, what if he'd like this to all his girl-friends? I dont want to expect too much from him. Because the more I expect the more pain I received and I really hate that! Its really hard to me to move on about the past. But I dare it, and survived.

I dont want to let myself into pain again. I dont want to be pathetic again.

Flashback.

Jackson opened the door and brought soup for me.

"Eat this."he ordered.

"What's that?"I weakly asks.

"Its special soup."

He put the soup at my table and sat beside me. He touched my forehead, as i checked if I have fever or not.

"Dont do that again. Im worried."He cupped my face, and looked at my eyes.

"Hm."I gently nod.

"Okay, eat your so-...."I cut his word, my lips crashed to him. I dont know, but I want to kiss him. My heart racing towards him.

He froze for a second, and kiss me back. He wrapped his arms around me. Our lips locked. I heard his breath, I heard the falling rain, and I heard my heart pounds to him its too louder, I wonder if he'd heard it too.

I knew that my body was too weak at this time, but when Im with him I want to be strong! I want to be with him. I dont want to sleep cause of my condition, I want to stop the time tickling. Call me selfish, but I just want him and I only on this world.

I just want him to be mine! But--- something knocked on my head and says "Hey! Idiot, he's not yours and he will never be yours! Dont you see, he still love MinAh but he hid it to you because he dont want to blame yourself because you ruined their relationship! You love him? You're so dumb, you're 5years older than him but you like him?!! Duh! You've fall to him because his too annoying and stubborn but sweet and never leave you? Its his personality! You're the most delusional person in the world to think that he can like you back. Its better to stop it, if you want to hurt again"

I push him away, he looked at me in confusion.

"I-Im sorry."

"Please. Just forget what happen. If you bring about it, tommorow or whenever. Lets drop our relationship! Arraseo?!"I warned."Im drunk, remember."

End of Flashback.

I remembered how I stop myself to like him, to love him almost. Im a totally idiot! Shit! He's right. I am coward and I really hate it! Im just tired to deny. I always denied to myself that I can't like him back or else.

Someone knocked to the door, I immediately opened it. Hoping that its him. When I saw who is it. I hugged her, and cried to her shoulder.

"M-mom."I sobs.

"Ssh. Baby, don't cry. What happen?"

We went inside and told her every details that she does'nt know. I felt better when I burst out all the pain, when I shared it.

"Baby, You are in the right age to decide by yourself. I dont want to harm your decisions or else. But as your mom, I just want to remind you. Who cares if you love him too? Who care if he doesn't love you back. The world would'nt stops for you. You've  just punishment yourself because of that cowardness. Its stupidity baby."he paused and took a deep breath.

"Dont afraid to tell him the truth, If he dont like you. Dont stop, but proved yourself that you deserves better. Just tell him what you feel, be true to yourself baby. What if you hurt again? what if you are pathetic again? Its just 'what if' baby. What if he like you too? What if he's serious? What if he care? Dont think about the feedback by others or by him. Atleast you've try. Dont afraid to give it a try. I, You're father, and the baby we're here for you. You're not alone."

She's right! I just give it a try. I hope its not the end. But if it is, I would happy to express my feelings although its too painful.

I grabbed my phone and go to the create message.

To: Jerkson♡

Let's talk. I want to tell something important.

Message sent.

I took a deep breath and quickly went to my walk-in closet. Looking outfit that would make me pretty infront of him. My phone suddenly beep.

*********

My boys got their 4thwin! Soproud! Hello co-armies. ♡

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