sunshots (oneshots)

dont make me (sunki)

HI BEFORE U READ  this chapter is focused on eating disorders. Everyone experiences eating disorders.
I myself have troubled with eating disorders. I grew up with a binge eating disorder. When going to therapie for that i became obsessed with losing weight. So i turned me eating disorder around.
So please do not make jokes about this chapter as its mostly based on my experiences.

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Ni-ki pov

I started noticing weird things about hyung a bit ago but i didnt wanna jump to conclusions without enough proof.

Cause he did eat. It just wasnt enough.

It wasnt alarming enough said the staff.
Cuz he didnt pass out from starvation.

I thought this was absolute bullshit.
When your job is to look after idols.
U should.

Our staff has always troubled with that. Like the time when we were mobbed and sunoo hyung did almost pass out.

They said it was just because of stress.
But i dont believe that.

Ni-ki already noticed in i-land the way he only saw his hyung eat around other People.

And not much either. Just enough to not alarm People.

After their debut he started noticing jt more tho.

He never saw his dear hyung eat when not around them.
Or when doing vlogs or vlives.
Though hed still try to manipulate People into thinking that he did.

He tried to talk about it to jungwon but i dont think he believed so cause he sees him eat.

So does ni-ki. But he also sees his hyung sneak out of the dorm to throw up if he felt like he ate to much.

It bothered him. It bothered him that no one else noticed.
It bothered him that no one listened to him when he said something was wrong.

If the rest of them knew it the way that ni-ki did they would care. But they dont.

Ni-ki had a friend end up in a ward for People eith eating disorders.
That scared his friend for life.
They didnt treat him as human.
They treated him as if he was a monster  that coudnt contribute to society.

His friend grew up to go to medical school.
So he definitly did contribute to society.
His friend was alle to recover from his eating disorder. And the trauma because of the way they treated him.

Ni-ki doesnt want his dear hyung to go there.
He knows him. They would scare him.
His hyung wouldnt be able to recover.

Ni-ki decided that the only way that this wouldnt happen was to confront him.

It Hurt to see him panic like that. Thinking that he did well enought to hide it.
Normally his hyung would be alle to lie well. But ni-ki knew already.

"Hyung...i just wanna help you...otherwise they will take you from us...from me"

'What do you mean ni-ki, theres nothing wrong with me...why would they take me?'
Ni-ki heard the panic in his voice. The growing tears in his eyes didnt help either.

He slowly walked to his hyung to hug him.

He felt his hyung absolutly breakdown in his arms.
Hes seen him cry. But not like this.
He could sense the thoughts he thought about.
Cause he knew sunoo felt disapointed.
That he couldnt hide his biggest secret.

He couldnt hide his biggest secret from the person he loved the most.

"Ill help you hyung... please let me. I dont wanna lose you to them...please"

The desperation in ni-kis voice could be heard.

'I cant promise you anything...i wish i could... i want to try for you though. I dont wanna be away from you either '

It Hurt niki to hear his hyung try to be mature. When he was crying his guts out just a few seconds ago.

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Sunoo pov

'Please dont make me...ni-ki...i cant'
The panic in my voice was present.
Ni-ki was.trying to make me eat my favrioute ice cream.

I havent ate it in months. I mentioned it. But never actually tried to touch it. The last time u did i choke cried until i passed out.

"Hyung please...Just a couple of bites.... i want you to enjoy it again...please?"

I shakingly opened my mouth closing me eyes at the same time trying to not freak out again.

It felt embarresing knowing someone younger than me has to spoonfeed me.
For me to be able to ear something.

After i finnaly swallowed it i started crying again...i missed it...but u couldnt stand it either.
I wanted to throw up. Even though their wasnt even anything to throw up.

I felt ni-kis arms around me again...comforting me to an extend.

"Im so proud of you hyung"

Those words were something i had to hear.. to contine anything.

No one recently.tould me.they were proud of me.

I was doing mediorcre on everything. Because i couldnt focus.

The fault of the lack of food.

'Thank you ni-ki...please do not leave me....'

Ofcourse he wouldnt leave me now. I knew that.

But the whole reason i didnt tell my members in the first place was because i was scared.
Scared they would make fun of me.
Like they did.

Sunoo didnt wanna be alone. It was his biggest fear.

'I would never sunoo hyung...ill love you forever...'

Ni-ki said that while softly kissing my lips first. Moving on to both my cheeks
Then to my forehead.

I felt like smiling for the first time in a while.

Feeling loved for this first time in a while.

I wasnt scared for the first time in a while.

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I wanted to add more to this but im starting to make to much typos.
And this is a pretty good end i think.

Also the spoonfeeding is so emberassing my.mom had to spoonfeed me to get me to eat things i used to enjoy....

Anyways i wanna write more sunki in the future.