All I Ever Wanted

Chapter 14- The Unhealthy Addiction

(Ace looks more like his mom side but just picture him a little more color and there you have Ace) 

~Rai Rai's POV~

So it has been a month since Jamar decided to give things another go and I might say that it doesn't feel right like it used to. It just feels more physical than love and I might be the one pushing the physical stuff but Jamar doesn't mind that. I don't know why but every time we are alone I basically find myself ready to jump in his pants. I am afraid that I don't care about the love anymore and that all I want is lust. 

The game was okay, I mean basically my whole family was there cheering on Easton. I was even surprised that Major came and he actually came up and hugged me and said that if I ever need anything that he is a call away. WEIRD huh? I am beting that James and Major had a big bro to big bro talk about me. Which I don't really mind because I actually like it when Major and I are civil with one another. 

The basketball team is undefeated and Jamar keeps on saying "now, nothing will stop us from going to state because I have my girl back" I swear as soon as we got back together Jamar told everyone and their mother that we are back together. At first it was cute about how happy he is but now it just makes me want to shove my tongue down his throat so he can just shut up. 

Vi and Riley are pissed when I told them that I took Jamar back. Vi ignored me the whole game by talking to Aaron, who gave me a disappointed look like I can do better. Riley ignored me and hung out with his delinquent friends and gave me the same disappointed look that I can do better. But can I?

I mean have you seen that body on Jamar, no wonder why I always find myself one way or another either licking or feeling his abs. God I have issues? Maybe I am just going through my whore stage but just using my boyfriend as a fuck buddy to release my built up hormones that I have been storing away because when we first started getting you know physical with each other, I only let him get into my pants like once every blue moon. I did that to insure myself that he just didn't want to get me and bed and then leave me kind of thing. So I basically made that boy beg and beg to get my cookie. But now he doesn't really have to beg and beg for my cookie cuz basically I am throwing myself at him. But could I be a whore but just sleeping with her boyfriend basically every chance I can get? But hey at least I am not sleeping with every guy in school…right? But now the sex doesn't have the passion like it used too. It is just like now fuck me and fuck me good. And that’s it. I mean Jamar does fuck me good but there isn't firework or sparks its just pure lust now. I think I am addicted to the lust of Jamar's dick, you know that boy does know how to please a girl. But now I don't feel satisfied anymore, maybe that’s why I am basically jumping his bone every chance I get. I just want it to feel the way like it used to. When we made love it made me forget all my worries and only think about how I am in pure bliss. But I think we aren't making love anymore, it just feels like fucking.

Does Jamar feel the same way or is he just thinking that now I am more madly in love with him?  But I'm not, I am more lustly for him before. Because every time we are walking hand and hand down the hallway he has this biggest smile on his face like he just won the lottery. But I just can't force myself to feel that way. I am not saying that I am not happy that we are back together but I think I am happier about the benefits that has came from it. 

When I think back to the conversation between Tristan and I about Jamar, I can't help but give myself a countdown till basketball season is over and I can break up with Jamar and move on from my unhealthy addiction to his penis that I have came over with. But maybe just maybe Jamar is feeling the same way. I know right after we have one hell of a night after the state chapionship game and then it is over. THERE I HAVE DECIDED TO END MY UNHEALTHY ADDICTION. But lets hope I can follow through with it because every time Jamar tries to talk about "us" I automatically with out thinking start to take my shirt off so he can stop talking. And for my likes it has worked.