Defying feelings

Chapter Thirty-two: My Mind, My Head, And In My Soul

CALISTA POV

Seeing Myles yesterday in dad's car was my toughest disbelief since last year when Chloe was pronounced dead after the medic arrived at the accident scene. Although yesterday wasn't a tragedy, it was something I had thought of as a tale when I dreamed at night or stared through the window in an active class. Still, my heart thudded in my chest, mentally agreeing I was possibly going insane rather than truly breathing the same air as Myles was.

Admittedly, I know the requirements of his career, so traveling nationwide is inevitable, but what became absolutely confusing for me was the fact that he was in my hometown where it takes two hours drive to the chosen Arenas for the scheduled games. Why would Myles agree to stay with us knowing full well the team takes responsibility for the players' accommodation?

Last night I tortured myself. I couldn't sleep at the thought that he was just a room below mine. I used to sneak out of a condo to meet with him, but now I can't get myself to look at him without feeling guilt and regret. I knew the self-afflicted punishment could end if I just trickled down the stairs and knocked on his door. But does he want me to? Was he here for me as my head was misleading me or was he just here with Brayden? Which doesn't even make sense given the perceptible tension between them since yesterday.

This morning, at the earlier hours, I had contemplated going down to the kitchen. Maybe I could come across him then, but I was concerned he would think of me as desperate. I then had trouble with my conscious deciding if I was ready to be alone with him.

Until I couldn't help it and waited for him in the stillness of our small entryway to return from the morning exercise. In that quiet, I realized I missed him more than words could make sense, more than the atmosphere between us could speak.

When I opened the door and met his adoring face that I so badly wanted to trace with my fingers, I felt at ease. It was then I knew he was it for me. We had to find a way. So, when he closed the distance between us and stood in front of me, I suddenly craved an explanation because I had been left in the mud for months. I squirmed away impulsively as he was too near-we might as well breathe the same air.

The conversation was trivial, I kept my thoughts in control and turned down the offer of going to his game. We both weren't ready for that stage. God knows, Brayden wouldn't want me there too. I was done causing drama.

That day went by while I tried not to dwell on the summer I was once happy. Instead, I helped mom in the kitchen, did some laundry, and took Beth, the dog, for a walk, where I found people being more unduly nice to me than I'd ever received, even while mourning my best friend.

When it was five in the evening, the starting time for my brother's team game, mom had called me to watch with her in the living room, but I waved it off and claimed I would rather take a nap in my room. Which was a great lie, given I streamed the entire game as soon as I was alone. My steady gaze remained on him until the last second.

~

The game wasn't over until it was dark. I had concluded in my mind that any reasonable person wouldn't drive two hours at this time, particularly two famous athletes that the industry would make sure of their safety. So I slept off after dinner with the tiredness of last night and didn't expect their return.

The next morning when I woke up, I showered and even wore a light layer of makeup after recalling the smile on Myles's face when he saw me yesterday by the door. But all my exhilaration vanished when I ascended the stairs and met only three people at the dining table.