It's a small book, with a big chapter but just a single chapter.
It's a goodbye note. From me to all those I know in Wattpad.
But goodbyes are temporary. I will come back again. Soon.
Maybe, I won't leave at all!
Maybe I'll be here all this time...
I know this isn't special at all. Because I'm still literally a nobody in Wattpad. But I hope you'll wait for me till the time I return. And, please note that, this is a strange side of me, perhaps the true side, because I've written the words down from the top of my head. Each and every word came spilling like ink...
I hope it isn't too toxic.
Currently, for me, school life is like living in a never ending nightmare. Like I can't wake up from that horrible dream. It's hard and full of unpleasant surprises, mixed with daily depression and anxiety attacks, painful tween problems, friend feuds and bad grades and constant responsibility. Hopefully, next year will be better, or so my mum says.
But this is a very delicate time for all students like me, and I ought to be focusing more on my studies and academic performance. Thus, I have come to the conclusion that, or so I have been told (more like forced, but for a good reason) that I should take a break from writing.
I considered writing as an important phase in my life where I did not have to focus on the harsh reality. Everything is fake. Everything is wrong. Some things hurt too much. Some things need too much attention. Some things need so much careful consideration that one wrong mistake and...everything will fall. There's so much toxicity, so much biasedness among people.
There's so many mistakes I have to correct. So many holes I have to fill. So many dreams, hopes, feelings I have to fulfill. So many things I have to do! Maybe I'll write a story later. About a girl who is struggling in life. Like me. Maybe a poem. Maybe...Hopefully.
I am putting my heart into these words. So much friendliness I have to be happy for. So much friendliness I have seen. But friends- you know how they are. They talk with you for ages, be there for you, empathize and share such a close relationship with you. But a change of feelings, business in life is all it takes to make yourself a worthless person to them. They stop talking. They stop supporting, sending love or even checking to see if you're alright. Why do I have to be the person to start the conversation? Why can't you knock? I'm right here, you know? With open arms. And the moment you need them the most, you're left stranded, all alone and lonely. Fighting With Feelings. Maybe that'll be my title. Maybe...Hopefully.
Such good books I have read. Such amazing poetry. I've loved it! But all good things come to an end. I've paid the price for my stay here in Wattpad. I'll be grateful for any advice to remedy but what use are they, if they aren't written from the heart? Amn't I just another friend?
Maybe I'll return. Maybe. Hopefully. Maybe I will stay. Secretly watching. Happy for your success. Secretly, I'll hope you'll remember me. But it will dissipate because I don't deserve much. Maybe I'll find out that I'm a bad person on the inside. And I pretend to be a good person on the outside just to make people like me. Maybe. Maybe not.
I'm just grateful. I'm grateful I met you, I met wonderful people. Marvelous! Fantastical! Amazing, friendly, and those friends who didn't care much for me. I'm grateful to have read good books. Such beautiful books. So amazing. They transported me to worlds I never knew. I traveled to so many places, just sitting on a couch with my favourite pillow. I loved it all! There is a hidden love in my heart. For every person I've met. For every friend I've made. I'll miss you all terribly!
And Lastly, I'll be taking down my books. The draft is where they belong after all. And one can't possibly risk having one's book out and about to the world while one is away.
Just note that this was a goodbye for a long term of inactivity. For my in-odyssey (an inexistent word that means my serious and unwilling journey) to become a better person, better at studying and what I love to do- writing. Long term here could mean a year or two or perhaps less because of my bonding with Wattpad.
But I hope that I did at least a bit good for you. And also note that-
"Goodbyes are forever. Goodbyes are not the end. They just mean I'll miss you, until we meet again!"
Thank you from the depth of my heart. I hope each and everyone of you become great writers or poets or whatever your heart desires. But also you need to remember that-
"Know that you are exactly where you are meant to be; even though you may not be where you thought you would."
Just live life. Y.O.L.O!
With Love, Your Friend- Zee :)
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