Didn't Think This Would Ever Happen...

Chapter 11: Shared Regrets

  Lilia had stopped crying, but the tears wouldn't stop. He didn't understand and had to deal with it all while cleaning himself up.
  He sat in his room, which now had a cradle situated in it. The baby was sound asleep, completely unaware of anything.
  The queen and Malleus both sat on the floor with Lilia, waiting for him to speak.
  Lilia nervously ran his hands through his hair, "I don't know where to start..."
  "Are you sure you're alright?" The queen asked.
  Lilia nodded, wiping his eyes again, "I'm sure, my eyes just won't stop..."
  Malleus took a deep breath, "how about you start by explaining what your... outbursts... are?"
  Lilia nodded, "well, obviously, it's a curse... I cant be emotional or feel anything... too strongly... without... losing myself..."
  Malleus' mother seemed to be having a hard time processing, "what?... but that's so vague..."
  "I don't understand it either, and I've had it forever," Lilia sighed quietly, "people really need to be more specific with their curse-giving."
  "Who..." she began, but didn't finish.
  Lilia rubbed his arm, "I don't remember their name or anything. I don't even recall them being all that powerful or magical... I guess the curse is so strong from sheer hate... or something..."
  Malleus chuckled, "you were quite the rascal."
  "Says who?" Lilia folded his arms. Even though he felt pretty okay now, he still had this lingering feeling of grossness in his stomach. Perhaps he had just eaten too much, but... he still felt incredibly guilty for what he had done...
  Malleus smiled, "you're still quite a rascal."
  "... okay, true..."
  The queen closed her eyes with a smile of her own, "Lilia, why wouldn't you just tell us?"
  Lilia looked around anxiously, "because... I've got so many curses and I'm supposed to be super wise and stuff... It'd make me look bad... I figured it was better to let people think I was just a little crazy sometimes..."
  Malleus and the queen shook their heads in unison.
  "Well now it seems pretty stupid. It seemed like a better option before..."
  "Everyone has their curses," the queen said, "it's not going to make anyone think any less of you..."
  "You don't understand, I have hundreds."
  She blinked, "hundreds?..."
  Lilia covered his face with his hands, "I was young and stupid! I pulled petty pranks and humans take things way too seriously! It's really annoying!"
  She laughed, "really? People cursed you for pranking them?!"
  Lilia nodded, dropping his hands, "yes! Most of the curses are either from little old ladies or men!"
  The queen sighed as she finished laughing, "never mess with an old woman, Lilia."
  "Well, I know that now!" He huffed.
  "Lilia," Malleus began, "have you really never raised a child from birth?"
  Lilia paused, "no... I haven't... is it different than not? Isn't it all the same?"
  Malleus and his mother shared a look.
  "First of all," she sighed, "babies can't talk."
  "What?! Then how do they tell you if they need something?!" Lilia seemed absolutely shocked to his core.
  "You've lived for so long.... And you've really never seen a baby?..."
  "Of course I've seen babies! That doesn't mean I've studied them or tried to interact with them. Most babies look gross, I'll have you know."
  Malleus chuckled, "babies also cannot feed themselves, or do anything for themselves, really."
  Lilia pressed his hand to his chin, "this sounds like a lot of work..."
  The queen nodded, "are you sure you're up to the task? If not, I can have someone-"
  "I have to be the one to do it." Lilia was staring at the crib. His eyes were still leaking, but the tears seemed to be coming faster now, his eyes redder than before.
  "... what made you want to take this child in?..." Malleus asked.
  "I killed its mother..." Lilia admitted, hardly speaking.
  The queen took Malleus' hand tightly.
  "I would have eaten the child, too, if I-" Lilia's eyes became waterfalls as his voice cracked, "I don't understand- I looked at it and I- I just started crying..." He wiped at his face but the tears still wouldn't stop.
  The queen conjured a box of tissues between them and Lilia quietly thanked her.
  "What made you stop, Lilia?" She asked, trying not to cry, herself.
  "I- I don't know, I just saw the kid and- and it just stared at me. Just stared. Like- like I wasn't- It wasn't scared of me. It stared at me like..." Lilia couldn't put it into words, but thinking about the look in that baby's eyes made him feel like crying harder.
  Malleus looked over at the cradle, wondering how a mere human child could cause such a stirring within Lilia. He had a thought, "if you can't feel anything strongly, then..." He looked back at Lilia.
  Lilia hesitated, "I don't know... I should be a beast throwing a fit right now..."
  The queen took a moment to think, "Hm..  this is odd... and you aren't consciously suppressing your emotions?"
  Lilia shook his head, "I haven't felt this much emotionally overwhelmed in... forever..."
  "Do you think the curse is wearing off?" The queen asked.
  He shook his head, "not possible."
  "Why not? You said the caster wasn't anyone special? They're probably long dead, yes? Many curses can fade away over time."
  Lilia shook his head again, this time not saying anything.
  Malleus folded his arms as he looked down, "hm..."
  "Can you describe to me what is making you sad?" The queen asked.
  "I'm not all that... sad... I feel... guilty..." he spoke slowly, "I murdered seven people..."
  Malleus understood that Lilia felt bad, but these were just humans. Their lives were short anyways.
  Lilia looked at Malleus as if he could read his mind, "innocent people..."
  Malleus held his tongue. He wanted to say that most humans were far from innocent...
  "Lilia, it's alright," the queen smiled warmly, "nobody thinks any less of you."
  "I think less of me," he said quietly, "and that child..."
  "Is too young to understand," she said, "it doesn't know what happened and it doesn't need to know, Lilia."
  "But I killed its mother... and it- it looked at me as if I hadn't done anything wrong in my entire life. As if I were some sort of Angel. Like I was- like- like I wasn't a monster-" Lilia was having a hard time holding himself together.
  The queen spoke sweetly, "I think I know why your curses aren't affecting you right now."
  "Why?" Both of the boys asked.
  The queen smiled brightly, "it's love."
  Malleus seemed taken aback.
  Lilia blinked several times in disbelief, "what are you talking about? I can't even-" he clamped his mouth shut.
  The queen gave him a stern look, "Lilia... no more dangerous secrets, please."
  Lilia really didn't like remembering this curse. It made him even more sad, because remembering this meant remembering old friends, and remembering them meant remembering him...
  "I... was cursed to never love again," Lilia finished quickly, ridding himself of the words.
  "Hm?" The queen tilted her head, "that doesn't make sense? You love us, right?..."
  "Yes," Lilia nodded, "just... I don't know how to explain... it hasn't been the same since..."
  "This was a recent curse?" Malleus' eyes widened.
  "Sort of... a few hundred years maybe?..."
  The queen hesitated, "I'm very confused, then... Love is the only explanation I can think of..."
  "That's so corny," Lilia stuck his tongue out at her.
  "Then explain why you won't let anyone else touch the child." She countered.
  Lilia pursed his lips tightly.
  "That's what I thought. You love the child."
  Malleus nodded, "I believe so, too. You seem very motherly towards it."
  Lilia folded his arms tightly, "the person who cursed me probably thought I was romantically in love with someone, so wouldn't it have to be romantic love or whatever?"
  "Nope," the queen smiled, "true love is supposed to break all curses, right?"
  "Not all," Malleus chuckled.
  "I wish it did, because then we could all just kiss Lilia and he'd be cured!"
  Lilia nodded tiredly, his fatigue finally catching up to him.
  The queen stood, "get some rest, Lilia. We can talk more later." She smiled as she exited.
  As the door shut Malleus looked at Lilia seriously.
  Lilia sighed, closing his eyes, "I knew you'd notice..."
  "Who really cursed you?" He asked, "who cursed you to always have to suppress your feelings?"
  Lilia stared down at the floor, his tears dripping onto the rug. He was silently sobbing, "Malleus..."
  "I know I have no right to force you to answer," he said quietly, "but I ask because I care about you... You're my mentor... and you raised me... You've helped me learn how to live. Let me help you, too."
  Lilia took a deep breath. "The Thorn Faerie."
  "What?..."
  "You heard me right," Lilia wouldn't lift his head, "the Thorn Faerie herself placed this curse on me."
  Malleus knew it wasn't his place to ask, but he couldn't not. "What did you do?..."
  "I went against her will... I may have failed my attempt, but she knew my intentions... This curse is the punishment I deserve."
  Malleus was in shock. The Thorn Faerie cursed Lilia to be like this?... Could he really have done something so horrible?... Maybe she had punished him too harshly, Lilia's troublemaking was never terrible enough to warrant something like that... Unless he was very different back then?
  "You mean, you've had this curse for over a thousand years?..."
  Lilia nodded, "a very long time... I've learned to monitor myself, but it gets tiring... Really, if I would just be hungry for normal things it wouldn't be such a problem... But she is cunning and knows how to really leave an impact on someone..."
  Malleus dropped his gaze, "I'm sorry..."
  "I deserved it," Lilia smiled sadly up at him.
  "No. No... nobody deserves that..." Malleus stood up slowly.
  Lilia stared at him, "I'll explain someday..."
  "Why not now?" He asked.
  "... it's too soon..."
  "It's been probably closer to three or four thousand years, hasn't it...?" Malleus pointed out in confusion.
  Lilia shook his head, "please..."
  Malleus nodded solemnly, "sleep well, Lilia..."