Darianatural: Season 1- Episode 1

Pre-Chapter

        It was a gloomy overcast night in the north part of Seattle (gloomy in Seattle who would've guessed) and a light fog hung over almost everything choking out all movement in darkness. A man was walking home from his grueling job at one of the various shipping plants found all over Seattle, and he was already at his limit. Between having to deal with his wife and two children at home, the nonstop orders being barked at him in the office, and paying for bills and other expenses, it was a wonder he hadn't snapped already. Whatever the reason, be it the stress of the job, or the anger in his life, something caused the man's subconscious to block out the slight whooshes and whistles coming from the buildings above, and the small chuckles and "heehyoo's" that followed them short after. this would be the man's final mistake.

        In a flash of brown and saliva, a large, sexy beast lunged at the man from the top of the nearest condo, and landed right in front of him, head down, breathing hard. There was nothing special about this man, so no one in particular would have any reason to go after him. He was only 53, but he had silver hair that reflected the dim moonlight peeking out from behind the fog choked clouds, and a business suit that showed he worked somewhere important (not).

        As the man looked up, too late to do anything, he was confronted by a hulkish looking creature that looked like a Puerto Rican child who had taken  steroids every day since birth. It's mouth was absolutely full to the brim with saliva, and the glasses on it's face didn't help to make it look any less scary, atop it's dastardly head lay mounds upon mounds of curly black locks, which fell back down to the things back like a mullet. the only article of clothing it wore was a single diaper, to maximize flexibility.

        As the demon advanced forward sluggishly, large nipples completely erect, the maximum amount of drool possible flowing from its mouth and snot as thick as tar gushing from it's short, pug-like nose, the man was too frightened to do anything more than stand there and quake in his o-so-important suit. Finally, when the menacing monster was no more than a foot away, it let out a screech unlike any other. "HYUUUUUUEEEEEEEEEEE!," it wailed, and covered the man in a thick coating of it's spit, which at that moment the man realized that the spit hurt. In fact, it REALLY hurt! That's because it was a marvelous mixture of maniacal acid, tears, demon blood, and watermelon. The classy looking man was almost instantaneously dissolved into a pool of black, white, and tan nothingness.

        The creature, hunched over, shuffled over to the pool and extended it's erect penis into the puddle to absorb the good stuff, then, sensing more people, it leaped up onto the previously mentioned building, and bounded away, escaping across the other buildings into the smoggy night.

         When the police arrived the next day at the report of a suit and other miscellaneous objects lying in the street, they discovered  traces of blood and large quantities of saliva at the scene. Eventually they came to the conclusion that the man known as Martin Stevers was kidnapped, and the kidnapper napped him nude. Since there was so much saliva to use as DNA, police took a bag of it back to the station with them, all the while wondering why a kidnapper would leave behind something this important in such great amounts, but they soon had their answer when they discovered it didn't matter how much mouth liquid the thing left behind, because every single time they put it in for testing, no results came back. The person who belonged to the drool simply didn't exist.