The Harry Potter Conundrum

Chapter 3: Dark Lords and Other Jokes

"Uhm, yes," Harry replied apprehensively, not knowing what to think about Severus' antics.

"I need a drink," Severus deadpanned.

He stood up, walked over to his wardrobe, and pulled open the lowest drawer rummaging around it. Then, after a few moments, he smirked, taking out a bottle of Firewhiskey with a glass. Carrying both, he walked over to the bed and sat down again before he poured himself a drink. When the glass was sufficiently full, he held out the bottle towards Harry, who laughed, drained his own glass, and filled it up with Firewhiskey.

"Do I want to know why you have a bottle of Firewhiskey hidden in your wardrobe?" he wondered.

Harry took a sip of the amber liquid savouring the burning sensation down his throat.

"Birthday present, but it's the first time I opened it. Normally I'm not into drinking," Severus muttered.

Harry merely nodded, knowing what the other teenager was talking about, his abusive father. "So, Death, what did you mean with five years?" he now addressed the entity about the one thing he was most interested in about the future.

"After your tragic demise, they continued with their plans to reveal the magical world to the Muggles. About a year later, every person on the planet knew that magic existed. It took only about half a year of trying to find a peaceful way until all hell broke loose. Most of the non-magicals feared what those with magic would be able to do, it was the Spanish Inquisition all over again.

"That was when somewhat a year and a half later, certain governments were fed up and declared open war. After that, everything went downhill and fast. Eight months later, the first nuclear bomb fell, hitting Diagon Alley. The non-magicals didn't care that they were killing more of their own kind than magicals with it. In their opinion, every dead magical was a win. After that, all inhibitions fell, and every kind of weapon was used...chemical, biological, atomic, it didn't matter anymore. Thirteen to fourteen months after that, the entire planet was only a radioactive wasteland, with acid swamps and lakes filled with toxic waste. The last people were struggling to survive but died in the end too," Death explained.

"What about those idiots that killed me?" he inquired.

"Oh, I made sure they survived until the very end," Death chuckled.

"Good!" Harry said in satisfaction. Served them right for what they did to him.

On the other hand, Severus only sat there listening to what would happen to their world, going paler with every word the entity spoke. In the end, he drained his glass in one go, only to refill it and repeat the process. Afterwards, he filled it again, but this time he didn't drink it instantly but just sipped at it.

"I hope you'll succeed with whatever you planned," he said.

"Believe me, I will even if it is the last thing I do," Harry declared with determination. "If I have to see those idiots dead before they are even born, so mote it be. That is also why I need to talk to the Dark Lord...I'll need help because I'm certainly not so arrogant as to think I'll be able to do this on my own. That brings me to my next question...what about specific changes?"

Death chuckled, knowing what his Master wanted to know. "Don't worry, this is not the past you assumed, not entirely. Instead, I brought you into an entirely different universe where everything just happened to be mostly the same until you arrived," he told him.

"Good! One thing less to worry about," Harry now grinned mischievously. "I would hate to create a paradox."

"What have you planned?" Severus asked cautiously.