If You Were My Love (Double Love Series Part 1)

And Our Dreams That Still Burn

Brentwood, California
Monday, August 29, 2022
********************

Lindsey was going to miss his home studio when they sold the house.

It was just after breakfast when he wandered into his studio - preferring that term to the phrase "man cave" which sounded so trite - still in pajamas, thinking that messing around with a few tracks for awhile and smoking a joint would stop the train of thought he had been on since he'd opened his eyes this morning. It was his own damn fault, he thought...he should never have made himself blueberry pancakes. He might as well have eaten his weight in Animal Crackers and listened to "Crystal" on repeat! Blueberry pancakes were like their love language, he and Stevie. He had been making them for her for fifty years, and they served many purposes - birthday breakfast, romantic dinner at home, apology, condolences, Valentines. It was the meal that meant he saw her, he loved her, and he wanted to be sure that no matter what happened out there in the cold, cruel world, there was someone waiting in the kitchen at home with a spatula in his hand who wanted to be sure she knew she was fed and safe and warm.

Leaving the mess in the kitchen after he'd eaten, his studio was the natural progression of his morning. He was still riding high from his special appearance at the Killers concert the other night, but he had to admit, he had been feeling his age the next morning, every part of his body aching, eyes burning from the late night and three hours of sleep, and he knew he was the oldest person in the arena that night. That had never bothered him before - not even when he'd played with Halsey on Saturday Night Live - but somehow, it had been his appearance at the Killers concert that had gotten him to thinking he was getting too old to be who he once was - the rock star, the guy who had finger-picked a guitar across the world since he was twenty-five.

Stretching out in the back of the limo on his way home, he'd remembered a conversation he and Stevie had had years ago, sitting on the beach outside of Mick's house, back before she'd called off their relationship...again...and they were still talking about retiring to Hawaii one day together. It was a dream of theirs that had begun in a hammock for two on the very same beach, right under Mick's deck off the sand, one morning when they had climbed in to watch the sunrise over the beach and completely missed it because they had been too engrossed in each other, a simple kiss leading to much more by the time the sun had come up and they had gone back into the bedroom to finish what they'd started.

The dream of Hawaii was still alive that afternoon on the beach that popped into his mind in the studio that morning, sitting on the sand together as he watched her hair blowing in the ocean breeze and they held hands and he listened to her talk about her 24-Karat Gold tour and how she was so happy to have gotten the performance of the "gothic trunk of lost songs" out of her system. The conversation had turned to retirement, and how they would manage to satisfy the artist that lived in each of them when the big tours were behind them.

"Retirement doesn't mean sitting in a rocking chair and taking up knitting, Linds!" she said over the sound of the ocean crashing against the shore. "Hear me out, okay?"

"I love you, Stevie, but whenever you begin an idea with 'hear me out' I get nervous." He grinned at her and she playfully hit him on the shoulder.

"Haha! Seriously, though...this is my idea." She turned to face him and their clasped hands were resting in her lap. "I FINALLY had time to watch the Gilmore Girls reunion movie on Netflix, and there was this scene I just can't get out of my mind. Lorelai is sitting at this outdoor bar in town called the Secret Bar, and Lane and her husband, who were in a rock band in the original series but got married and had twin boys really young...they were performing at the Secret Bar, just a little two-piece band of guitar and drums...and it was kind of like a bossa nova-sounding thing...and they had regular jobs by day and all but they kept the music alive...and I thought about us. I pictured us at, like, eighty, just hanging out at Mick's place a few nights a week and performing like Lane and her husband...no big arena, no crazy rock and roll show...just two people in love who like to give their art to the town of Stars Hollow...it made me cry, actually...it showed that the dream never dies...just changes form is all."