Death by a Thousand Cuts

Prologue

They said strength is defined as being able to hold your tears when you felt sad. It isn't about how you keep your feelings inside when you can't handle the intensity anymore. And its not more on pretending everything is okay when your heart is shattered to pieces by just a mere words. But it was the opposite. It is allowing yourself to feel whatever you were feeling right in that moment. It is how deep you feel when the world was expecting you to hide your sensitivity. It is finding the courage, the courage that most people lost along the way. The courage to speak up in a world full of cruelty.

And here I am in front of the person I love, with eyes almost filled with tears ready to rush down once this heavy feelings I felt resides.

"You didn't even love me, don't you?" I asked trying not to stutter by the words that came out on my lips with the eyes that still hopes he will tell me the opposite things of what is inside my head. That I was wrong... 'cause he loves me. But what I've heard breaks my heart.

"I'm sorry Paige, but I can't afford to love you... I-I just love the feeling of being around you but not the feeling of being loved by you. You have the purest love that the person would ever want, but I just can't find myself loving you." I smiled, however behind those smile was a broken heart. And I nod assuring him that it was fine with me because at least he was being honest.

Strength is letting people in, no matter how many times you've been hurt before. Strength is being able to say "I'm not okay right now. I need you." It's okay to be vulnerable, to be soft, to need someone to cry on, someone who listens and a hand to hold and right in this moment I need those things. I need that person, but how could I do that when that person was the one causing this pain that I'm feeling right now? We just all need that someone to reminds us that we're not invincible... that we are not alone.

" I was there when you begged her to comeback. I heard it all Cy. No need to explain everything. I heard how you beg her to comeback to you and how you are so ready to let go of me as long as she comes back to you." He gave me that sad look that made me cry in pain, right in front of him.

"I'm really sorry for everything Paige. I just really love Trizie that I can't love you as how I loved her. I can't really replace her in my mind and in my heart."

"I know Cy, that's why I'll set you free." He held my hands while sadly looking at me and I can't take my eyes away from him. This is the last time I can look at him this close.

" Thank you for giving me back to her. Thank you, Paige for setting me free."

He then kiss my forehead and then on my lips which is for me the most saddest and heartbreaking kiss I've ever had. A kiss of a once happy love... or was I the only one who's happy.

I smiled at him and not breaking our eye contact while my tears were still flowing through my face. I cupped his face and he held my hands...

"And thank you, Cy for making me realize that love is worth letting go."

Ang sakit naman ng klase ng pagmamahal nila, pagmamahal na nagsasakripisyo. Siguro kung ako ang babae hindi ko makakaya ang pagbitaw na ginawa niya sa taong mahal niya.

Gusto ko nang pag ibig na mamahalin ako ng walang pag-aalinlangan pero sa panahong 'to alam ko namang napakahirap maghanap o matagpuan ang pag ibig na ganon.

Kaya wag na muna. Ako muna.