who said family had to be blood (zombieland male reader insert)

chapter 3 the ambush

*(y/n) pov*

columbus isn't so bad but he is kind of a bitch and I feel like he needs more then one double barrel to be fine i meen I love the double barrel but if its your only wepon then your fucked

the catalac then stopped

tallahassee" hold on cars blocking our way"

columbus" ok we just move them"

the 3 of us get out wilst elly stays in the car as a security system

tallahassee" ok you steer ill push with shoty"

columbus "ok"

columbus checked the front seat before he put a hand on the steering weal wilst me and tallahassee pushed

columbus" I've herd there's a place that's untouched by this crap"

tallahassee " back east yeah?"

columbus" yea yea you herd"

we got the car out of the way and we all just look at each other

(y/n)" you know your like a penguin on the North Pole who heres the south Pole is nice"

tallahassee" you know I was thinking the exact same thing"

columbus"there are no penguins in the North Pole"

this guy is starting to get on my nerves

(y/n)" you wanna know what happens when a slug round enters the human brain"

that shut him up

tallahassee" come on let's get back to the catalac"

the 3 of us get back in the car and just drive off.and to brack the acword silence tall tryd to start a conversation

tallahassee" so whens the last time y'all got any pipe"

ooof let me think.......oh god I think it was with.........annie

now dark memories are coming back

columbus" wate the last time I lade pipe?"

tallahassee" the last time you went twenty toes.percy in the play pen"

columbus" whos percy?"

oh my god is this guy really this dence

tallahassee"wall paper in the closet.past the gravy.went heals into jeans"

columbus " oh made love"

FINALLY

tallahassee" just.had sex"

columbus" uh...3 weeks ago in the back of an abandoned fedex truck"

wate what

tallahassee " shut....up"

columbus"no.no.no im telling the truth i was heading east she west and we took shelter in the back of the truck on undelivered packages"

I think he may have pulled a girl without brains

tallahassee chucked

tallahassee" what was her name?"

columbus" Beverly. Beverly Hills "

ok that's extremely ironic

tallahassee" you dog.what about you shoty"

(y/n)" well-"

tallahassee stopped the catalac when he noticed a female zombie chewing on a dead body

tallahassee"aye.aye.aye"