Word Bank

Him

"There's good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too fucking sad." - Kurt Cobain
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"Why?"

I keep walking. Maybe if I'm able to walk straight enough, if I walk with enough confidence, and if I can walk like I'm not about to burst into tears, then maybe I can get away safe.

"Why?"

The voice cracks and my feet stumble over each other. It's him...he's why...I can't handle him. I don't know how I'll make it to my car.

"Tell me."

I take a deep breath. Please, please, just go away. I can't tell him, I can't speak, I'm afraid that if I do, I might break down and sob. A hand clasps around my shoulder, it's heavy, so heavy that I feel I might crumble under the weight.

"Jess, I need to know...why?"

A tear escapes my eye, I feel it dribble down my cheek and land on my shirt Why? He asks the question like it's so easy to answer. Why? I could laugh at his ignorance. Why? Well, because...because you're an ass. Because I care about you. Because out of all the idiotic things you have done, this is by far the worst. Because you have no idea. Because you know. Because I know. Because... because honestly, I love you. No, I couldn't say that, I wish, but alas, I can't. I realize I haven't moved since he's stopped me, I haven't turned, I haven't walked off, I just stand, alone, but not alone, I have my thoughts....and, and I have him.

"I need you to tell me, I need to fix this, I need to fix us."

Us? Since when was there an us? I stay silent.

"I love you, please, Jess."

I can tell he's crying. I love you too.

"I wish I could say the same thing." I wipe away my tears, shake his hand from my shoulder, and walk to my car. I get in and start driving. There's a dark alley that I drive into and cry; just cry till there's nothing left in me but self pity and the absence of hope.