The Monster and the Witch

⚜︎ Ep 41: Regrets ⚜︎

"What do you mean?" Rohan asked.

Gael told Rohan what had transpired in the hallway, which elicited a frown on the younger knight's face.

"If I may speak freely, Your Grace," Gael said, "As I said in the hallway, it might do you good to practice some patience."

Damian lifted his face, staring at Gael with a look as if asking the old man to continue talking.

"A recent development has revealed to us that the Duchess had a very tough childhood. She almost never received affection from anyone but her mother who died while she was so young. Such a thing would make anyone build a wall around their hearts and be cautious to everyone who approaches them."

"I understand her need to put up walls, more than anyone," Damian said.

"I know you also have a dark past, Your Grace."

Gael saw for himself how shrouded in darkness and solitude Damian's past was. Seeing the same man grow up and carry the burden to lead Malakai despite being mired in the Emperor's game was actually a miracle in itself. Gael couldn't help but think that having someone like Carmine by Damian's side would ease their path in the Emperor's game. Damian could protect her physically while Carmine could protect Malakai politically.

Why not? If those two people could help each other, isn't that good? Gael thought.

"But, Your Grace, you were saved by the Emperor when you were twelve. Even though the Emperor treats you like a hound and keeps sending you to wars, you... have always been surrounded by the people you trust. Like me, Rohan, Ardan, and your knights." Gael went on to explain, "That was not the case for the Duchess. She had just come out of Rendra's cruel cage and when she got to Malakai... well, we have to admit we didn't truly give her the best reception."

Damian looked down in regret. He recalled how he first treated the girl, especially when he briefly threatened her before going on his expedition.

He didn't even know when he started to feel something toward her. And what was that feeling, actually?

I don't know, Damian thought to himself, I just want for... Carmine to stay by my side.

"Wait, wait a minute..." Rohan said, "Why are you talking like the Duke is in love with that girl, Gael?" Rohan stared at Damian straight in the eyes, his brown eyes asked for an explanation from the Duke. "Have you fallen in love with her?"

Love?

Damian didn't immediately respond. To be honest, he was not quite sure what love was. His parents never loved each other, and they didn't love Damian either. The only reference he had to that abstract concept was Gael and Merrida's relationship, who acted as his parents while he was younger.

Puzzled with his own set of questions, Damian stared at Gael instead. "Is what I feel 'love'?"

The other two men gawked at Damian. "What I feel about Carmine is very different from what I felt about Elise..."

He continued, "Elise was always afraid of me and when I had intercourse, she was always so scared as if I was hurting her. Even though she had given me her consent, I made sure she was willing, it felt so uncomfortable that I avoided it."

"Then you stopped visiting her altogether," Rohan added.

Damian nodded. His eyebrows furrowed deeper. He regretted his negligence which was one of the reasons for Elise's death. He avoided anything that was to do about her that he missed the red flags that were endangering her. Yes... I ignored her so much that I didn't know what Gina had been planning behind me. Poor Elise..."