Black Ice

v

five | crystal

This was the best Thanksgiving I've ever had. There weren't any fights or bouts of loneliness tugging at my mind. It was just me and the crew, and while Will's absence hurt, it still felt like he was here too.

His essence was all around.

His energy was stitched into the warmth of the home and even plastered on the walls of his room. In the brief moment I spent there, setting down my overnight bag, it felt almost like he'd never left— just that he wasn't here right now.

It felt like only yesterday when he and I laid on his bed and talked with optimism about where life would take us. It was only yesterday when I insisted on sleeping with him on the floor, yearning to be closer while he explained the politics of a war going on within.

In the end, he made good on the promise he'd made to himself. He solidified his commitment to I.V.

Although such commitment didn't carry him much further than studio sessions, his blood, sweat, and tears watered the seed of our dream. Now, it was on us to continue the work.

It was on us to do whatever we could to make sure that the four pillars remained standing.

This sleepover was just the thing we needed to take a step in the right direction.

I hadn't felt so close to everybody in... ever.

Ice had become like a little brother to me in the time we spent working together musically and in crafting our show, but to have him as an addition in our banter and storytelling tightened the rope that binds us.

Shaany was actually playing nice— I think Autumn had that effect on him. His childishly brash antics were kept to a minimum, and it was the most peace I'd felt in our dynamic in nearly a year.

Was it too late to bring Autumn on tour with us?

Not only did her presence bring a serenity to Ishaan's low-key hostility and typically tense nature, but it offered another feminine energy that teamed with Ms. Shondra's to cool any unruly order.

She was cool people, a soothing creek that put out Shaan's flame in the best way.

Any woman that could tame Shaany was a woman worth commending.

If she could handle the high-strung, ever-rambling, ever-bouncing-from-one-woman-to-the-next, ticking time bomb named Ishaan Hughes, I had no doubt that she had the patience required for a busy-bodied child. If anything, the baby would be a breeze by comparison.

I was happy for them though. They balanced one another well, and their child would surely be a beautiful being. And maybe it was that pregnancy glow, but Autumn looked so happy.

Looking at her made me wonder what it would've been like if I hadn't miscarried, all that time ago.

No use in dwelling in the past now— the pizza just arrived. The kitchen was closed for the night, and our next meal wouldn't be until nearly twelve hours from now. The last thing I needed was for my shoulda'-coulda'-woulda's to damper my mood or my appetite.

They did, however, damper my ability to rest.

It was the dead of the night when I awakened. I carefully got up from the pallet I shared with Issac, and as I slowly stood, the moonlight peering in through curtains revealed that the recliner claimed by Antonio was empty.

I grabbed the first jacket I could get my hands on, already knowing that sifting through swishing windbreakers and coats in the dark would not only slow me down but potentially awaken sleeping souls.