🖤⛓️ wish you back 🖤⛓️ -a jakehoon ff

chapter 7: is this what love feels like..?

--Nicholas POV

"Hey! Uh..dad?? I'm going out with my friend today, call me if you need anything!! And, I'll order you some food as well!!" I shouted to my father from the bottom of the staircase, fully-clothed in not-pyjamas and wearing my trainers, ready to head to where I agreed to meet with Jake.

"You have friends??" He laughed in an intimidating tone. "And, you'll order me food?? After I raised you for 17 whole years and made you meals with my own hands?? You know what?? Just go! Hopefully, you'll get lost on the way and end up with your mom!!"

"But, dad, mom is- oh...." As the words, came out of my mouth, I had realised what my father had meant in saying this statement, making me instinctively lower my voice to a murmur before it completely faded.

I went out the door, waving goodbye to him whilst telling him I wouldn't be long.

To be honest, I always sympathised with my father. Ever since my mother had passed, he became anything but his usual, cheerful self, who loved me very dearly and took responsibility for me and my actions. However, as time went on, his only escape from reality and the absence of my mother was - to put it straight and simple - alcohol. And, a lot of it all at once. The more he drank, the more violent he had become toward me. At some point throughout that period of time, he started to slowly take his guilt and blame for my mother's death off his own shoulders, and pour them onto mine.

"That disease that killed your mom was one of the side effects of your birth. The side effect that will never go away, and always be your fault and your mistake, your mistake that can never be undone! And look at how everything is now!! Your mom is dead. She'll never come back!!"

I vividly recall him saying these very words to me one late night. Earlier that day, I had been complaining to him and crying in his arms about my own pains and struggles. As you can predict, it didn't take me very long to adjust to the differences between childhood and my teenage years, as reality had already hit me in advance, before it was supposed to.

Mom, I wish you back.

---

"Hey, man, your eyes are a bit sore, have you been crying??" My friend questioned me, sounding worried.

"Nah, it's okay, it's just cold out, don't worry."

Faking my happiness. The only thing I'm good at. But he made me feel safe, as if he was the only person who truly understood me and my complicated emotions. I felt like I didn't need to use my skill around him - I was just naturally in a state of..joy...excitement. And..the odd feeling that I could take care of him for the rest of eternity, and never once feel bored.

"Jake..?"

"Mhm?"

"Can I ask you something??"

"Yeah of course!"

Is this what love feels like..??

"Uh, actually, never mind." I smiled.

"Oh, alright." He said with a hum.