" are you okay, will ?" // byler angst

part 1

TRIGGER WARNINGS FOR THIS CHAPTER:
SELFHARM

WILLS POV:

"Can we play dNd now?". "NO.". they say again. Im getting used to it now, ever since I went missing everythings been different. I hate they way they act, at first I think they cared about me. Now they act like I'm not there half of the time. I have been spacing out a lot, and crying. Mike is talking about El dumped his ass, I feel happy that she made herself happy by breaking up with him. They were asleep. A few minutes later I wake them up! I was asking them to play, I made this whole thing, but no. Of course not. I have to forget it. Always. I hate this honestly, I yell at Mike to "FORGET IT!" I kind of regret it, but that's fine. As I'm walking up the stairs I hear slight foot steps behind me, I walk faster hoping he won't catch up, but he did.

"Will! You can't leave it's raining!" So? I don't give a shit. I think in my head still rummaging to leave. "It's a cool campaign it's really cool! We're not not in the mood right now." Oh. Not in the mood? I snap back, "Yeah Mike! That's the problem you guys are never in the mood anymore! You're ruining our party." I see I kind of hurt him. "That's not true!" he says. Bullshit, "Oh yeah? where's Dustin right now?" There's only a confused and blank stare on his face. "See?! You don't know and you don't even care and obviously he doesn't either and I don't blame him! You're destroying everything and for what? So you could swap spit with some stupid girl?" I pause not wanting to go to far, saying anything else. "Els not stupid! It's not my fault you don't like girls!" He says, getting louder at the last part, like he meant to hurt me. Oh. They don't even understand where I'm coming from I think. He tells me he's not trying to be a jerk, I just go home. "Will come on!" I hear from a not so far away distance.

I bike to Castle Byers. My safe place. The years I spent in here. It meant so much. I was reading a comic, but the my face panned to the picture. Dustin, Me, Lucas, and Mike. How it used to be. "Stupid..So stupid." I rip the paper as much as I can. I grab a bat. I don't know what I'm doing, all I know is I am doing something bad. I needed to feel something. I needed something to distract me from this mental pain. I need it all to stop, to go back to normal, I want my old Mike back. My old party back. I was going backwards into the trees when I stepped on something, it was a tiny sliver thing? It was dirty but I could clean it. Once I cleaned it, it was a blade.

I've seen people do this before on television, on Health Shows. Talking about how "harming" yourself is bad. They said cutting yourself was bad. I saw them do it..so what could be so bad about it if I tried. I was kind of scared at first but, I made a tiny slit, it hurt. Bad. But I knew I could to more, there was this little thing that made something a little better, it made it feel good I was doing this to myself. I was proud. I tried again but a little harder, a little blood came out. I don't know why I was happy to see the blood, but as I thought about it I couldn't think of anything else but doing it, it was distracting me. It was good enough for me. It was okay. I did more and more. Until Mike and Lucas came to find where I was. "Will? Are you okay?" I was silent for a few seconds, THINK OF SOMETHING PLEASE. I hide my arm so they don't see the 16 cuts. 16. I say "I'm fine." and I started biking home. The blood was too much, I stopped the bleeding with a paper towel and put disinfectant on it. It burned like hell. I put as many band-aids as I could, just in case. I started to think about how I was gonna hide this during summer, so I just decided to wear shorts are long sleeve shirts. They won't see the cuts, nor will I be hot. I think I'll be good. No one will know, Im gonna be okay.

772 Words!
End of chapter, sorry if this was triggering or sad :(
Missing Happy Will