Eddie Munson X y/n

the diary part 2

this story involves (mentioning of drugs, weed, cussing, yelling, suicidal thoughts, thoughts of self harming)

we got out of the shower and went to the room and get dressed, I put on gray sweat pants and a back and red hoodie, I grabbed my writing book that said THE DIRAY on it, the only reason it said that is because I had a lot of writing books all with different names all which had the word "the" before what the book was used for, I started writing

dear diary
for the past 2 months I haven't been able to sleep, I'm feeling scared for no reason, when I go out I feel like everyone is looking at me and judging me, I know there not, I feel like mama and daddy are disappointed at me and I haven't done anything wrong, sometimes I wonder if the pills and weed and drinking would help the voices if it would stop it, the suicidal thoughts are back, so are the self harming thoughts, but I mad a promise to my mom and my brother to stop, I need to get back into therapy but no one will see me, I really do wonder if anyone would miss me if i did commit, but i hate to admit it but I am scared of dying young so that why I haven't tried again, I wanna cry but I can't, everything is getting bad again and I dont know why i dont know why all this is hitting me at once, maybe I should bit myself in a mental facility, maybe I should do all the things my mind is telling me, but if I do I know I wouldn't be alive much longer, I feel like my siblings hate me, like they talk crap about me behind my back and that makes me sick, I wish I could start life over, I wish I got a second chance, I would do shit differently, you know I put on this face to make everyone think everything is fine but in reality its not I wanna scream I wanna punch holes through the wall, I wanna let out my anger but not on people I love, I don't wanna be like my daddy, I don't wanna hurt people around me but i've already done that, I'm really sorry for everything I have done to hurt you, I'm sorry i'm a fuck up, i'm sorry I cant do anything right, I'm sorry i'm not the nicest person ever, i'm sorry, i'm so fucking sorry.

after I got done writing I put the book on my dresser and went down stairs to get some water, I didn't even release Eddie went to my room, I went back up and saw him reading my book, "EDDIE WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING" I snatched it away from him, "you really think all that, you really wanna do all that" I looked at him, I was pissed "Eddie you have no right to go through my shit, thats disrespectful" "ANSWER MY FUCKING QUESTION Y/N" "I DON'T HAVE TO ANSWER SHIT EDDIE" he go up and laughed a little, it wasn't happy it was more like he was hurt of pissed off "DO YOU DO ANY OF THAT" he asked me, throwing his hands up "DO WHAT" you asked again matching his energy

"PILLS Y/N DO YOU, TELL ME OR I WILL TURN THIS ROOM UPSIDE DOWN" "I DON'T HAVE TO TELL YOU SHIT" the yelling went on for at lest 45 minutes, "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE" I yelled, him looking at me in discussed "AND ALSO YOU SELL DRUNGS SO WHY ARE YOU SO FUCKING MAD" I yelled one last time "I DON'T DO DRUGS TO GO NUMB Y/N, THATS NOT WHAT THERE FOR" "THEN WHAT, PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THERE FOR PLEASE EVERYONE IS DYEING TO KNOW" he didn't answer me he just stormed outta the house and drove off

do I still take pills yes for my depression and anxiety but that's it there over the canter, my doctor prescribed them, do I smoke yes cigarette and weed but thats it, do I drink yes but not as much as I did maybe 1-2 drink I don't go over that, I sat on my bed crying, I decided to call Eddie, I dialed his number but no answer, I tried his home phone and a man picked up

"Munson residents how can I help you" the man said "umm yes is Eddie there" I said trying not to sound like i've just got done crying, "can I ask how this is" "oh yes i'm so sorry, this is y/n Eddies girlfriend" the man yelled for Eddie then I heard it, his voice god the 2 hours his been gone, i've missed his voice, "Munson, how is this" he said "Eddie it's y/n i'm sorry for yelling at you" "y/n why are you calling me" he sounded so blue "I wanted to talk to you about everything you read and everything else" I was scared he would say that there was nothing to talk about but he didn't, "ok, i'm listen" he said in almost a whisper "Eddie yes I smoke, cigarettes and weed, I do drink just not as much, and yes I do take pills but there for my depression and anxiety, i'm sorry if I hurt you in any way

there was silence, the phone hung up, dial tone hitting my ear, I started to cry again feeling sick from how much i've cried, about 30 minutes later I heard a knock on my bedroom door, I got up and opened it see Eddie standing there with a dr pepper, my favorite drink and a bunch of vinyls, he gave me both and hugged me tight, "I should be the one apologizing, I shouldn't of read THE DIARY" we sat on my bed listening to my favorite album by AC/DC "back in black" "I didn't mean to upset you, I just want to make sure your save and that your ok, and not trying to kill yourself, theres a lot of people that would miss you"

he was playing with his ring "I know Eddie and i'm sorry to but at the end of the day if we want to make this work, we can't yell like that yes people have fight but I rather not scream and shout at one another, it hurts me" I laid my head on his shoulders taking a sip of my drink "me to darling, me to" we laid down and cuddled up together, pulling 4 blankets on us, as it was September, and it was getting cold at night now, he held me tight and I dosed off, so did he, I could stay like this forever, being in his arms, breathing in his sent, this was peace to me and to him as well

1168 words