𝐿𝑒𝓉𝓉𝑒𝓇𝓈 𝓉𝑜 𝐻𝒾𝓂...

02/09/22

We talked recently and it ended in you apologising once again. At school today you made a "joke" about me not being "good enough" but it was just a "joke" as you put it. You promised me something again today you promised me it was only a joke and you did not mean it. You apologised a number of times feeling sorry for what I've become without you. You apologised for leaving me and told me what I had thought. You told me it was just the right person but the wrong time... Time is cruel. Evil almost. You also told me you did not want me to be nothing to you. I told you you didn't have to act like you wanted to talk to me and you could just leave but you said you wanted to. So we did exactly that. We talked. You mentioned something about loosing feelings. Which got me dreading the day you loose feelings for me. I don't think I'm ready for it yet. I've been loosing people left and right. Just yesterday my uncle had passed away due to a terrible accident and today this morning my granddad to a stupid car crash. And you. Funny word. You. What's always on my mind? You. I think it'll take a while till I totally get over you...but what sucks most of all is we wont get the future we planned for each other anymore. No Greece, no running away together, no me and you against this stupid world that has taken you away from me. I mean it was your choice of course, there's probably nothing I could have done to keep us together, but I tried and begged you to stay and you still left. Why ? I'll never know. I'm so pissed and angry and annoyed and mad and tired and so so so hurt. I'm hurting bad right now. Its unfair. I wish the pain wasn't there. I wish I could just feel numb to everything and anyone who hurts me but I don't. The pain is as real as ever. Like a thousand sharp daggers threading through my heart. You left me again. All alone. I have nothing . Absolutely nothing anymore. You left and suddenly everyone around me did. I. Have. Nothing. Nothing... funny a month ago I would've been so happy, so happy that I have everything I wished for (you) and now a month later I am so annoyed at what it has come to. Me a month ago would've never known or thought you would leave. But you did. Why ? I guess I'm just really confused. I just don't understand why you left and wheren't ready for us... or me. I don't know what it was. I wish I knew though.