Love can Kill

....

"Hiii! Where are you? Are you busy?" My sister ask. 

"No" I replied to her.

"Uhm..... Kuya can we go to the mall? I have something to buy and I really need it right now, please?" she's just a kid I can't say no to her. 

"Ye sure" I smiled at her and tap her head. Ever since that day I never said No to anyone I miss her.

"Yey!!"She said and ran back to her room. "Yaya faster! Kuya agreed already let's go before he change his mind" I was so glad that she's happy. "Hi again kuya! I have new yaya by the way she's nice but she looks like someone kuya. She's familiar but I don't know where I saw he-"

"Hey be careful" Her new yaya entered my room while my sister still talking about her then that's the time I saw her face and finally realized why my sister said that. She really looks like her. But who is she? 

"Kuya! HELLOOO KUUUYAAA!! She's ate Jade my new yaya, manang Rosa go back to her province daw that's why they got me a new one, but manang will be back den naman daw soon" my sister won't shut her mouth. I just stared at her she was really look like her. 

While driving I kept looking at my rare view mirror, I can't stop looking at her. 

We arrived at the mall and my sister ran fast as she can towards the mall entrance. I saw Jade running too chasing for my sister. I can't help my self but I kept staring at her. 

"Hey, uhm here's money go buy what she needs and buy your self something too" I gave her money so they can buy things they need. "Just call me when u need something, I'll stay here"

She didn't say anything she just smiled at me and chase my sister again heading to national bookstore. She really looks like her even her smile.

I ordered my self a coffee and just use my phone while waiting for them, but when I finish drinking my coffee I go to the nearest store I can see it's a store where can you buy any kinds of stuff toys you need. 

"Welcome sir" I just smiled at them and continue walking and looking around to buy what I actually what. What  I want or what she actually love? 

I bought the pink huggable stufftoy I saw, it's nice simple. Exactly her type. 

After paying, Vien's yaya called me just to inform me na nasa exit lang sila nag iintay saken. Dumeretso na ako sa parking dadaanan kona lang sila sa exit. 

Pag dating ko sa mismong exit nakita kona kaagad sila madaming dala habang buhat nya ang kapatid ko. I help her to get in the car and I told her na ako na lang ang mag lalagay ng mga gamit sa sasakyan. 

Nakauwi na kami at dumeretso na ako sa kwarto ko dala dala ang stuff toy na binili ko. Pag ka lapag ko sa kama ko ay napatitig ako. 

"Hi, I miss you so much. I wish that I can see you right now I have a gift for you" as I said that hindi kona napansin na may luha na palang natulo galing sa mata ko. 

A day turn into week, they kept on knocking at my door asking me to go out with them but they never heard something from me. Hinayaan na lang nila ako. 

But then I heard a knock on my door again I know kung anong kailangan nila saken.

"Hey it's been a year" He said in a low voice. "Your room is a mess, I know you're not yet okay but it's been a year why can't you move on?"

"Why can't I?"I said and laugh sarcastically. "I wish I can bring back the day she took her own life, if nakinig ako sakanya sana hanggang ngayon kasama kopa sya kung sana hindi ko sya pinabayaan masaya kami ngayon!" I said and tears started to flow unstoppable.

"Look at you, have you seen your self? You're a mess, stop blaming your self wala kana magagawa. So what if she took her own life, that's her decision and kahit nandon ka she still can do that!" He said, I don't wanna hear another word from him but something's stopping me and letting him continue. "You think babangon sya don kung gaganyan ka lang ng gaganyan. Why can't you just accept the fact. Let her go tol give her the peace she deserve"

Let her go..... Let me go please....... that's the word she said before she took her own life. I wish I knew what she meant by that. I still blame my self, I can't accept the fact na wala na sya. 

"Ang dami pa naming plano ang dami pa naming gusto" it hurts pero I know to my self kung hindi ko sya hinayaan mag isa mabubuhay pa sya. "That day... the day she took her own life ang saya pa naman namin non ah, she even ask me to play her a song ang saya namin nung araw na yon, pero bakit ganon? Bakit kailangan nya gawin yon sa sarili nya?" 

He stayed quiet while I can't stop my self.

"She deserves to be love, she deserves to be happy" and yet my own words hit me. She deserve everything.

"You know that she deserves everything and yet you still hurt her?" Yes I know he has a point I know I hurt her. "Alam mo kahit anong gawin mo walang mangyayari kahit pag balibaliktarin man nating yung mundo hindi na sya babalik. You know to your self you hurt her but you never did anything to make her feel special."

She don't deserve someone like me. 

"I love her-"

"You love her? That's love para sayo? Ang sakit mo naman pala mag mahal e nakakamatay, ano ba! Fix your self tol it's been a year" Alam kong nauubusan na sya ng pasensya saken, yes it's been a year. 

After he said that umalis na den sya sa galit. How to move on?